


a bouquet of violets

by maevestrom



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Also a death is labelled bc thr concept of death is explored, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Camping, Catholic School, Explicit Sexual Content, Expulsion, F/F, Health problems, Hospitals, How long can I get away with an M rating, It might still happen buuuuuuut, Lesbian Character, Mortality, Polyamory, Rebellion, Relationship Problems, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Religious Schools, Reunions, Road Trips, School Reunion, Self-Sacrifice, Summer Camp, in the future, one woman's journey to avoid gay baby jail until like chapter 12
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevestrom/pseuds/maevestrom
Summary: Five years after she was expelled, infamous school rebel Edelgard returns to the Garreg Mach area to right some wrongs, but does she want to fix the same things as the two women she loves? More importantly, will she have time?Or, Edelgard goes on a journey to complete the triangle and save her best friend.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Annette Fantine Dominic/Lysithea von Ordelia, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Lysithea von Ordelia, Hapi/Dedue Molinaro, Mercedes von Martritz/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. a fond memory lives and breathes at this damned school

**Author's Note:**

> I have utterly negative a thousand clue where this story is going. I'll figure it out but good Christ, what a confluence of ideas it is. I can't wait to flesh it out and *giggles* figure out what in theeeeeee frick I'm doing.

Edelgard knows better.

It’s not that she isn't enjoying the reunion at Garreg Mach. Not many familiar faces made it, but enough did. Maybe hers wasn't expected here after last year, but her teacher got an exception made for her. Edelgard is grateful but wishes that the other teachers were as lenient as Byleth. 

Still, getting in here was a challenge in and of itself, but she’s always been a bit of a teacher’s pet so enough faculty also had good things to say about her. Edelgard believes she earned that with her studiousness and good grades, but then again, that doesn’t really matter. Even if her two closest friends were not the smartest people of their respective class, this part of the punishment is clearly unnecessary. Edelgard hasn’t harbored revenge fantasies against Garreg Mach over the last five years and she doubts anyone else has.

One student, in particular, has much more important things to worry about. 

Edelgard also has more pressing matters right now if smaller ones. She’s pleased to see that much of the faculty is still here that summer evening, including the recently retired Mr. Von Essar, or as he insisted she call him now, “Hanneman, please. Call me Hanneman, Miss Edelgard, I’m not your teacher anymore, and quite frankly, hearing Mr. Von Essar right now is enough to drive a man mad.”

Edelgard chuckled. “I’ll be sure to get used to that.” She’s certainly not going to, but it likely won’t matter. Most of the teachers and students will likely never see her again anywhere outside of a social media link or whatever people did to vaguely stay in touch with people. That’s how she jokes about it if Dorothea asks- and, Gods, does she- but she’s rather glad she’s not separated from them forever. Maybe she should be, considering some of them were responsible for their friends’ dismissal from this very night, but she’s not very good at losing people altogether. 

Perhaps what made her the happiest is being able to say hello to Byleth, the former but not old teacher that stood up for her enough to get her invited here, and someone she may or may not have had a very revealing crush on. She might have stumbled a bit on the greeting, but Byleth just chuckled a little and soon they were talking like old friends and not like a student with an honestly lingering fixation on her. 

The two women stand under a white wooden canopy, Edelgard getting a champagne flute from the nearby table. It seems sacrilegious to enjoy alcohol here, but that only makes her happier to sip at it, though not as happy as when she and the girls snuck into the altar room after her senior year St. Macuil Ceremony. Talk about praising Sothis  _ then.  _

That was then, this is now. Back then, everything suffocated her with strict, forced reverence. Now, here in the courtyard, it almost feels like a backyard cookout with how small and intimate everything is. Not how Edelgard expected such a prestigious school to be, but considering Garreg Mach was a small private school with maybe a hundred students total, this isn’t all that bad.

It might be the most she’s liked it here.

“Wish more Black Eagles made it here,” Byleth admits at one point, looking askance. She seems disappointed, but as always, not emotional enough for Edelgard to be able to read. 

“As do I, my teacher.” Edelgard follows her eyes to the front door, champagne glass in her hand. She knows why there’s not- Hubert, at least, refuses to go, and Linhardt could care less about their ban or the reunion altogether. “Still, this is a decent turnout.”

Byleth clears her throat. “I can admit that.” Looking to her left, she sees a stunning svelte brunette dressed in the most high-end of fashion, as well as her partner, a famous foreign dignitary with whiplike burgundy braids the color of the wine that Dorothea has in her hand, arm around Petra’s shoulder. Dorothea does most of the talking, and Petra is happy to let her.

The sight seems to make Byleth softer than Edelgard ever saw her as a teacher. She smiles- not something she often does voluntarily- and closes her eyes for a moment. Edelgard doesn’t ask why in case she accidentally stops such a rare sight, but Byleth explains what she likely already knew. “I’m very glad to see Dorothea and Petra here. Didn’t they both go back to Brigid?”

Edelgard nods, trying not to look too somber in contrast. “Yes, soon after school, in fact.” She remembers leaving school on bad terms with Dorothea, but it didn’t last as long as either feared, just enough for Edelgard to remember and watch her steps with keen eyes. 

“Can’t imagine getting engaged at nineteen,” Byleth says with a chuckle. “I mean, I can imagine proposing around then but… I was not a very smart nineteen-year-old.”

“Nor were any of us, I’d imagine.” Edelgard gestures around the room with her free hand, champagne steady in the other. 

“You… you all did your best.”

The speed of the comeback provokes a rare laugh from Edelgard, champagne no longer steady in the other. “I’d certainly hope so. This place is certainly a sign that we are meant to do great things with our lives.”

“And that your parents were rich.” 

Edelgard looks at Byleth, aghast, but she just shrugs because she knows it’s the truth. After seeing that she’s serious, Edelgard admits defeat and starts to laugh. She knows she’s going to spill her wine at this rate so, cursing herself for wearing a white blouse, she sets the glass on a table behind them. 

Byleth’s smile is more relaxed as she leans back against the same table. She isn't drinking anything for personal reasons related to her late father, but she's visibly loosened up. Even Edelgard can see that. For a brief second, she loses herself and nearly leans on Byleth, like she expects her teacher to reciprocate, like she's again a seventeen-year-old virgin desperate for some interpersonal contact with the prettiest woman she knows. She fights off the temporary urge and decides that she's had enough alcohol. Once it starts to box with her better judgment, she usually calls it quits. 

"What have you been up to lately?"

Edelgard swallows and stiffens up so badly she’s likely entirely sober now. (She’s not about to test it, however.) She's never been interested in talking about her aspirations except to people very close to her. Byleth… probably qualifies, being her academy instructor for four years there and putting up with her very confusing thirst the entire time as well as The Incident. It’s not like Edelgard has very many friends. That means there’s no real reason to hide what she has been doing with herself aside from… embarrassment? 

Does such a thing even matter anymore? 

Likely not. Still, why is she embarrassed? 

Byleth must notice that Edelgard has turned redder than a rose corsage. She doesn’t take her question back, though. Pity. The former ingenue eventually goads herself into answering.

Clearing her throat, possibly for the third time- “As you know, I was set to take on my father’s law firm after tragedy had taken away other immediate heirs.” She swallows again. By now she’s more used to tidying up her tragedy for others. Her next words are slower. “By the time I, ah… I graduated, it was just my father and I. Father grew… ill, a few months later. The talk of taking over the firm came up, and I…” 

The words set to halt from this point. She does not like thinking of this. Of his words. Of the way that this went the exact opposite way of what she expected. Taking out every surrounding moment- the death of her siblings, the legal conviction of her mother to a life sentence, the years at Garreg Mach, the eventual passing of her father, taking over Camp Violet… were this moment tied to none of this, it would still make her falter. 

Byleth notices; obviously so, astute as she is. She’s never one for big affection, but she slides her hand into Edelgard’s so smoothly that she doesn’t notice. Edelgard just knows it’s there, and she knows Byleth, so she expects no less. It’s just herself that she has to rely on.

“Eventually we came to a decision to let the firm fade away and die out,” she says in a rush. “With everything that happened… I’d be the only one to carry the legacy, and my father would rather have me live on my own terms. So, ah…” She swallows her tears, amazed that she made it through without crying. “That’s what happened.”

Byleth nods, still keeping her hand in her students. “So, after that decision… what have you been doing with yourself?”

Edelgard tries not to show too obvious shock; she always knew Byleth to be different from the main faculty, even the other teachers. Anyone else would cast subtle or nonsubtle judgment on the decision to liquidate the assets from the famous Hresvelg Attorneys at Law, but not Byleth. Byleth seems genuinely interested in her future, not the name she’s making for herself. 

“Well, I spent a lot of the money from the firm to buy a local camp that was going out of business. It was… admittedly, quite sentimental of a decision. I and a small staff have worked on the premises, bringing it to its former glory… years of misuse had made it grow unkempt. Still, since we weren’t expanding it, it was easy to do, only time-consuming for…” Edelgard has no real reason to excuse that away. “Well, just… doing things. Living life. Hopefully, it’ll open this summer.”

Byleth beams. When she does, Edelgard kind of has to as well, because even though she isn’t sure she’s comfortable with her last few years of life being as small as they are, at least her dear teacher is happy with her. 

"And you're happy?" 

"Very." Perhaps for the first time. 

Byleth looks down with a blush. "I'm glad." 

Aaaaaaand Sothis-Damn-It, she  _ almost  _ made it without tears. Even though she only sniffles a few out, it feels like a dam has burst in her core. She knew the decisions she and her father made were far more personal than fiscally profitable, and she’s tried her best to respect her own decisions, but hearing someone she appreciates so much approve of it… if she wasn’t sure she was on the right path before, she may not be convinced now, but she’s closer. 

“Thank you, my teacher.” 

Byleth nods. “Of course, Edelgard. I think I signed up to this wanting to help people, you know, live lives they were happy with. It’s been…” She looks at the ceiling above her. Edelgard has to imagine that it’s at the tower that the archdean’s office is in. “It’s been tough. They define success differently.”

“ _ Very  _ differently.” That’s all she says. She promised herself she wouldn’t go off about the archdean that night and she’ll stick to it.

“Yeah. I could tell you never wanted it. And all I wanted was just… you all happy.”

Edelgard can’t take it anymore and hugs Byleth fiercely. Luckily, she’s prepared enough to return it. She thanks her teacher again, a weight lifted off of her chest so rapidly a part of her more juvenile wants to sleep right there and now. Still, she knows she has miles to go before she sleeps, marked by the two soon splitting apart. 

“So, did you come here alone?” Byleth asks as Edelgard finally goes for her glass again. She had previously decided not to drink, but surely nursing it would be fine. 

“I did,” she admits. “I didn’t have a date to bring with me, and, uhm, besides! Wasn’t really about that anyway!” Okay, perhaps that last bit was said a little bit too hastily to be true. “It’s about the people that are here.” She thinks. “The non-executive people, at least.”

“Not many from our class made it,” Byleth says, and the word  _ our  _ almost paralyzes Edelgard with pheromone in a lightning strike like she was seventeen again. “Sadly, I don’t think that you’re gonna find many people here.”

Edelgard nods solemnly. “I thank you for helping me get here very much, Byleth,” she begins, “but unfortunately I cannot stay for too much longer.”

“I hope to Sothis that you are not driving,” Byleth fires back, not looking up. 

Edelgard puts her hands up. “Ah, I wouldn’t! I’ve taken a taxi here, and I shall take one to my next destination.” 

Byleth opens her mouth again but surmises something from the sad smile Edelgard has taken up and returns with one of her own. “Is she conducive to visitors right now?”

“I talked to her.” Even a few feet apart, Byleth might as well be the only one in the area. “She says that the hospital cleared her for this.” With a little more pep in her voice, she adds “Besides, she’ll be able to leave in a few days. It’ll be better.”

Byleth looks down, and Edelgard knows that she can tell. Still, optimism is how she deals with this. “I do hope she’s okay,” she finally says. How like Byleth, to be concerned about a disgraced student from another class. The other teachers would probably skip her funeral, Edelgard fears.

“I hope so too,” she admits. It would probably be better to reassure Byleth, especially if she’s going to be the band playing on the Titanic, but she realizes how hard she had to work to get her mind on the reunion and off of her in the first place, and once she enters her mind, she’s very, very hard to get out. 

“I must go,” she says to Byleth, truly the last one who mattered to her. “I enjoyed seeing you again, my teacher.” 

“I wonder when you’re going to call me Byleth.” 

“Honestly? I’ll probably never be able to.” 

Byleth smirks, but there’s care in her eyes. “You take care, Edelgard. Let’s talk again soon.”

Edelgard beams. “Absolutely. That sounds lovely.”

When she waves goodbye to her teacher, Edelgard doesn’t see or hear anyone on her way out to the courtyard. Are they not there? Does she just not notice them? She honestly doesn’t care. She’s… for better or worse, very zealous. And there are two women in this town that, whether they believe it or not, she is very devoted to.

She calls a taxi to take her to one of them.


	2. the good and the bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edelgard gets to the one she needs to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has gone through a million changes between chapters and WOW, I'm packing a lot into this teeny space. But like... have I written better? Probably not.

Edelgard rests her chin on the taxi seat before her. It reminds her of how she rested on the pews whenever the dean at her school gave a sermon during a holy day. She only cared enough to pass any tests, not about the theology. How could she take a faith she had little material with and honestly think that only belief will save you from the eternal flames? What an insult to any of her siblings who did not follow the faith because they were taught differently or were even younger than she was before the unthinkable happened. What an insult to her, to claim that she is bound for everlasting torment while her mother, a murderous zealot, will pass through to the glorious fucking beyond because, what, she said Sothis' name a few- 

Then an usher would come by and tap her on the shoulder, prompting her to sit up. Enough procedures have been done on Edelgard where they can't help but touch a scar. It always bristles her, but she does as she's told, resenting it all the while. Little stuff like this… it's nothing on its own, but it made it easier to rebel when the option came up. 

With force, Edelgard leaves the past and observes her present- a taxi ride in the city of Garreg Mach housing the eponymous school, heading towards somewhere she said she'd be at by… what time?

She reads it again.

_ What time should I be over?  _

_ Uhhh around eight. After your reunion thing. Which I hope you enjoy by the way!  _

_ Thank you. I'm terribly sorry neither of you can accompany me.  _

_ Oh it's okay silly. It was like a bunch of years ago.  _

_ Besides Mercie & I already talked about school a bunch today on the phone. That was fun!  _

_ I'm glad you still keep up. Still… no matter. I suppose my feelings on it are complicated, is all. Always will be. _

_ Hey  _

_ Ede _

_ I dont regret anything _

_ Promise :) _

Edelgard _ finally  _ realizes that the time to meet up is eight, as said in the second of the eleven message thread she scanned with a distant smile. Well, no more of that. She checks the time. Seven-forty-three. She isn't familiar with the area; she hopes she gets there in time.

She's missed her badly.

\---

Annette's a little too relaxed for someone with an ex-partner visiting for the first time in maybe a year. Either it's someone she has a good relationship with still, but not enough to deep clean her apartment for, or it's someone she dreads and she's spent the whole time getting plane tickets back to Fhirdiad and hyperventilating. 

The fact of the matter is, Annette's still cool with her, she doubts that she's gonna get shit if her home isn't spotless, and it's totally extra to call her an ex; like, sure, they dated for a few months but Ede's one of her closest friends. She hardly thinks about the romantic side of things at all! 

(That is a lie.

Not a very prevalent one, but as she went through the years a part of her always wished her dear Ede would have stayed in Garreg Mach's town.) 

Annette stays relaxed, lounging on the secondhand couch on the secondhand rug tuned into the music channels on her secondhand television (probably third or fourthhand, if she's honest), and living a more secondhand life than she expected. But that's youth for you. 

Okay, she's twenty-four. She may be turning twenty-five soon. And she  _ may  _ have spent three years learning physical therapy, which wasn't even her first choice, but… let's just say it would prove more useful than her first choice.

It's lonely in her house right now. It seems like most of the time she's either treating visitors or calling a friend or even living with a roommate under  _ totally acceptable circumstances  _ not that anyone could judge her anyway because she's a damn adult an- 

She sighs. See, she's not used to being well and truly alone, especially after the last six months where she’s had a roommate. Yet the roommate is… otherwise occupied. Has been for a few days. Tomorrow, she’s gonna go up to visit her all day, which is generally tough because Annette doesn’t have a good car and medical transport is  _ fundamentally useless  _ like it was put in their contract to never know what to do. Ede showing up without a ride… it was expected; you can't put a car on a passenger plane, but Annette's seriously grouchy that her own car doesn't go up the big hills like that.

Sometimes she almost wishes she  _ was  _ the big shot her mom envisioned her to be. 

Her phone reads three past eight, and Annette supposes that makes sense based on how far her apartment is from the Academy. Ede left at forty past, texting that she hoped her apartment was close enough that she wouldn't keep Annette waiting. Annette almost replied "keep hoping 🤣" but decided against it. Besides, she should be here soon-ish.

She texts Ede.  _ Dont do that whole looking at the time and freaking out that im mad at you for being late.  _ That was likely a very necessary text, thank you very much. Ede doesn't respond, but that's proof enough that she's taking that advice. She's all about image control. 

It only takes her seven more minutes to show up at her apartments, knocking on the front door, likely damp from the rain. Luckily for her, the couch is right by the door, so Annette opens the door and absolutely hugs the life out of who she  _ hopes  _ is Edelgard, slick and all.

"Ede!" Courteously, Annette leads her in by half-hugs hopping up and down. Ede's giggling, saying that she's quite all right, but being safe means she's huggable and so Annette knocks herself out. When they stop moving, Ede embraces her back. Again, Annette's gonna lose her damn mind. Ede's desire for physical touch is… lacking, she supposes? But she's at least humoring Annette, which is nice. 

Then, after about the coziest half-minute Annette can remember: "wait, do you wanna sit down?"

Ede's eyes widen, a furious blush crossing her cheeks. "Oh! As soon as I, ah-" she just takes her jacket off. "Is there a hook?" Annette points her to one and Ede thanks her, taking hers off carefully enough that the floor barely gets any damper than it is from when she dragged the life out of Edelgard. 

"Take a seat!" she offers Ede. 

With a quiet  _ thank-you,  _ she does as she's told and sits on the chair just to the right, which isn't the couch next to her but that probably is hoping for a bit much. Still, Ede is her guest for tonight, and luckily, the house is empty, so they can sleep in different rooms. (It is of no use to ask Annette if someone did sleep there before.) 

"So how was The Mach?" she asks, lying down head nearest Edelgard, hair splayed on the arm. 

"Hm? Oh, it's quite lovely," she says. "At least, it seemed very nice and open in there." 

Edelgard's talking like her customer service voice got a customer service voice, and Annette knows it. Still, she smiles a little and says "shame. I kinda wanted it to burn." 

Edelgard twists a smile. "Admittedly so. Still, it was nice to see a few people I didn't despise there. Even a friend, in some ways." 

"Ooh, who's the friend?" 

This is the one time where Edelgard doesn't look like she's planned her reaction well. She stumbles a couple of times before saying "Ah, uh, my teach- Miss Eisner. Byleth." 

Annette notices and gasp-giggles. "Someone had a good time, ah?" she teases. 

She earns a blush and dirty look. "It was  _ fine,  _ Annette." Ede's really cute when she breaks free of whatever chains of formality she has on. "Honestly, it was nice to have found someone I enjoyed seeing and vice-versa. The reunion was full of very few people I was excited to see."

Annette nods. "Yeah, I mean, like… Mercie's over in Faerghus still, a lot of the other Lions attending… I mean, they're still cool but…" Annette's voice draws out into quiet. 

"They always were good at staying close to her good side," Ede muses. Annette's sad because she knows that the Lions aren't bad people, but at the same time their actions shattered Edelgard… and if Annette can admit it, herself. 

Still, she just hums. "Yeah, it would have been weird to see them there. Like 'it's you!' and 'nope, don't wanna talk to you.'" Stretching her legs again as Edelgard recrosses hers. "And then having to have everything hang over us like a dark cloud." 

"I can understand that," Ede says. Annette figured she's made a good try at it, but something like half the black Eagles participated, and Ede's still friends with some of the others. From Blue Lions, it was her and sometimes Mercie. It's a lonely world to be two of the only three to crash and burn like that. Everyone was still very nice and accepting of her in Blue Lions, but it feels like they're giving her forgiveness that she doesn't need. It's them removing a barrier they put up between them. Balming the wound they gave her. 

"Gets lonely sometimes on this side," escapes Annette's lips. She's  _ immediately  _ embarrassed, but doesn't try and take it back because of pride. Instead, she tacks on "you know?" 

Ede seems to not want to answer, looking at her chair arm. "It's not that interesting," Annette promises half-jokingly. "The, ah, arm." 

Ede chuckles. "No, I suppose not." She looks up at Annette. "Oddly enough, that's the way that I felt there." 

"Hum?" 

"Lonely," she clarifies. "After I met with Instructor Eisner, there was no one there that captured my interest for too long. I enjoyed seeing a few of them. Dorothea, Petra. Ashe was polite, I remember, and I wanted to murder Claude less than a normal schoolday, which was also a relief." 

Annette giggles. What a snake. A sweetheart, but a snake. "I'm amazed you didn't just smack his face just once. For old times' sake. Your temperament's gotten way better!" 

Ede shakes her head. "It was more that Lorenz wasn't there to beat him with." Annette covers her mouth in a gasping snicker. "I didn't want to get my hands dirty."

Annette cackles, slapping her knee. "I'd have gone to jail for trespassing as long as I got to see that. Holy goddess." 

Ede smiles. "I really do wish that you were there," she muses. Annette blushes until Ede says "you and Lysithea both."

Annette nods stiffly. "Yeah."

It goes a little silent and Annette knows where the party went. Cause here's the thing about Lysithea. Lysie. Lysibelle. Annette  _ loves  _ her. She has since she was, gods, twelve. Annette would absolutely marry her right here in the living room with a priest on Zoom if it was feasible (or, well, legal in any of the Fodlan countries. Lysithea knows that, and through her gruff attitude, loves her as much. The only thing really holding them back aside from the disease is… well, two isn't three. It's great. It's part of three. But it's not three. 

Annette could probably do fine with two, but Lysithea wants all three of them together as one throuple. That's her dreams- all three of them, as lovers, reminiscing about the past. Annette wants that too! She just… hasn't properly connected with Edelgard outside of the frenetic hubbub that caused everything in Garreg Mach to go boom for a while. Like, then, she was more devoted to Ede than the disciples to Seiros, which made it harder when things fell apart and she saw how intense everything was.

That's the thing Lys doesn't realize. She wants a triangle. She wants Edelnette to happen badly. At best, though, she has a V.

And, despite Edelgard's cool stoic hotness, it will likely stay that way.

"You've been awfully quiet," Ede points out. 

Annette gasps like she was just awakened. "Oh my gosh, no- I'm sorry," she says like she didn't just nearly meet the goddess. "I just… have a lot of thoughts. About everything, you know?" That's not technically a lie, but she hopes that Ede doesn't sniff out the truth. It's frankly impolite how well she does that, like  _ damn  _ let her lie in peace. 

Ede nods solemnly. "That makes sense. Where is she? At the hospital, I imagine?" 

Annette sighs and returns the solemnity. "Yeah. She, ah, got a little knife wound trying to cut some vegetables." With some fondness, she adds "Dumbass."

Ede seems to think aloud. "Ah, and since the body is attacking the immune system the wound has turned serious, correct?" 

Annette really envies how Edelgard can just  _ say that  _ without getting severe chills. "Yeah, it's bound to get contaminated. That's why I told her  _ let's go, now.  _ But…" Annette sighs, feeling like the failure she is. "She's convincing as hell, I'll give her that." 

Edelgard looks at her. It's a way more understanding glare than she expected, but she looks a little heartsick and wounded. Annette can only interpret the body language as  _ you screwed up,  _ but she reads a lot of body language like that. 

Instead, Ede concurs. "Yes, it's very tempting to let her get away with a lot when she's that way." 

Curiously, Annette's brain decides that she'd like to end the conversation there and watch… fuck, what is this? Some… friggin' superhero movie. Lysithea burned through all of her carriers' plunder of them, and Annette couldn't help but admit there was something relaxing about the predictability. The action scenes, the monologues, the "twists"- they all function in a formulaic structure and that gives Annette comfort. It also stalls their conversation for about a half-hour, when it ends and she yawns, kind of wanting to restart the conversation and also wanting to  _ good-time-was-had-by-all  _ over whatever is left of it. 

She compromises. "My car is kind of crap," she admits. "So I called us a ride for, like, eleven tomorrow so we could eat and clean up and everything. We gotta be  _ super  _ sanitary, just so you know." 

If she was expecting Edelgard to show distaste for their transport, she's lacking. Instead, she nods. "That sounds reasonable. If memory serves, the hospital is on a hilltop." 

"Yeah, and with my car, we'll end up at the bottom of it. So, ride it is." With a teasing grin: "I hope that will suffice, your majesty." 

Ede takes it at face value. "It'll be fine, Annette. I'm not too good for taxi service." 

Annette forces a laugh in response even though she's  _ very  _ embarrassed at joke bombs. "That's good. I, uh… will probably turn in early. Let me know if you need anything, okidoke? Bathroom's down that hall, and I'll get the cot out of storage for you.

Edelgard smiles way too formally to feel like Ede. "I'd greatly appreciate that. Do you need my help?" 

"Nah," Annette says. "Nettie's got it." She flexes her not-supes-impressive biceps and says "Be right back, okay?" 

"Thank you, Annette!" 

God. Damn it. 

Annette makes it to the storage room that was probably a second bedroom before she realizes that she hates organizing and stuffed her less used things in here. It's a minefield that she has to clear a path in for the cot. She bangs her shins thrice, hissing about  _ what idiot put this there  _ before she realizes that  _ ooooooops.  _ No matter; she manages to reach the cot, setting out to the living room with it under her arm. 

"Hey, I got i-" 

It's been awhile. Like, years since it last happened that they slept over together. While Lysithea is a lovely sweetheart in every way personal to her, Edelgard is… stunning. She's like a statue dedicated to sapphic desire. And, at the moment, she's got her shirt off and doesn't seem to mind all that much- until she notices Annette and nearly dives into the nearest cup of water.

Thank gods she has a bra on or Annette would need to go to the hospital too. 

"I'm sorry!" Annette says. "I had no clue you were changing!" 

Ede's busy hiding under a throw blanket. "It was an honest mistake, Annette. I understand. I should have waited until you were in your room."

_ Whoa, that would have been an awesome idea, _ Annette thinks. What she says is "Don't worry! I'm heading to my room. Take care, Edelgard!"

She hears a fading "you too" as she gets to her room, closes the door, then locks it. She flops on her bed hard, trying not to nosebleed. Damn, uh… Annette hates that she noticed it, but Edelgard's really grown since they last met in person. 

Oh, that's an icky thought, so Annette tries to think of another difference. Her hair being blonde, her glasses being gone… her attitude is the same, just like their stilted chemistry.

That kills her buzz. 

She sighs and turns her bedroom television on and tries not to feel as alone as she did every night this week beforehand.


	3. and if you think it's your turn to explain yourself, it's not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really good at making me sad. Curse me for writing.

_ The main room is empty. Everyone here is partying in the living room, eating shit food and reminiscing about their shit school making them feel like shit people. She's pretty sure she hears  _ Tommy's Party  _ on the music player system. It's rather lovely a beatnik type of feeling.  _

_ There's not too many here; Annette, Mercie, Dedue (who insisted on cooking), Hubert, Caspar, Linhardt, Marianne, Ignatz, Raphael, Leonie, Hapi, and Yuri. The ones who can afford to show up aren't here aside from a few from the Black Eagle class that Edelgard runs and Marianne, a wealthy and timid girl who stunned everyone with her presence. Everyone else is a common person, without the spoils from their parents to get them out of any bad spots.  _

_ Only Lysithea and Edelgard aren't in there. Lysithea is recharging from all the talk and activities  _

_ Lysithea has just decided not to bug Edelgard and stay in the cubby area when without looking up Edelgard herself says "I don't mind if you visit me, Lys."  _

_ Lysithea nearly hits her head on a wall but manages to choke out a surprised "Uh, I'll be right over!" which shouldn't have ended in an exclamation mark but did regardless. She leaves the cubby, pretending she didn't almost suffer cardiac arrest. She's one of the few people her age in this grade; no one expected her to be in a vocational charter school at fifteen. She doesn't want everyone to look at her as the baby, so she's happy to be Edelgard's second-in-command.  _

_ Even happier to be El's girlfriend.  _

_ Lysithea puts a small hand on El's shoulder. Her smile reaches far enough to be seen beside her. "I'm looking at everything," she says. "There's actually a surprising amount of complaints that people have."  _

_ "Shocker."  _

_ El tweaks a smile. "Well said. It seems like a lot of us got in the same way- we didn't know the school would proselytize as much as it has." She leans her head down. "Or that it would restrict us how it has."  _

_ "Oh…" Lysithea feels a creeping blush on her cheek, a bat signal for her feeling a need to help someone. “Edelgard, are you okay?” _

_ Edelgard nods in that sort of distant way that she’s taken on lately. It’s a little rough to see; she’s had that sort of forced solemnity on her face since she took up the leadership position.  _ “This will rise or fall by me,”  _ she once said like it justified anything.  _

_ Lysithea keeps her hand on El’s shoulder. It’s a concession, but clear that a concession is all it is. She doesn’t think El has been fine since this whole thing started. It’s her facing really uncomfortable moments both for her, her girlfriend, and a bunch of her friends, as well as a few acquaintances that neither she nor Lysithea have ever fully trusted.  _

_ Maybe that’s it. “What are you worried about?” she asks, like she has only spontaneously thought of this. Giving the appearance of thought while she prepares for El to tell her not to worry, she suggests “Dimitri?” _

_ El lifts her head up. “Uhm, in a sense,” she admits. “Though it’s hardly just him. All these sheets are of different complaints that they had with the school. Different forms of restrictions, queerphobic attitudes, proselytizing by the staff- while few other nonspecific instances are as bad as that, those three are quite major."  _

_ She rests her chin on her fist. "There are… maybe one or two that are worse, but they're verbal. And… I made promises. Promises not to tell." Though even then, she looks incredibly downcast. Honestly, if it hurts Edelgard to speak of their existence, then Lysithea doesn't want to know. _

_ "Absolutely," Lysithea says. Edelgard taps on the bench next to her. Soon, Lysithea sits next to her. It's something she greatly enjoys thinking about, the idea of what they look like together. She rests her head on Edelgard's shoulder and prepares to listen after she asks "so what's about Dimitri that has you nerved out?"  _

_ Edelgard closes her eyes. "Dimitri… submitted no complaints. He says he doesn't want to take the spotlight from other people, but surely he knows that we all need to be on equal footing. No one should deliberately recuse themselves in matters such as staff mistreatment. Furthermore, as a class leader it benefits the legitimacy of this list for someone in his position to submit more than their name to a document."  _

_ Lysithea thinks. "I understand what you mean. All the same… maybe Dimitri  _ hasn't  _ experienced anything of note." Giving a sideways glance out the door to the other room: "He's not the type, if you get what I'm saying."  _

_ Edelgard raises an eyebrow. "I thought he was-"  _

_ "Not as far as I know," Lysithea interrupts, trying to keep her mind whirring. "He could be something, but as I know it he's currently in a relationship with the headmaster of the Faith of Seiros." _

_ Edelgard widens her eyes. Hits her head on the table. "Son of a bitch," she groans as if she dropped a pen. "Flayn? Him?"  _

_ Lysithea nods. "I know you can't cite school gossip, but Hilda was way too eager to share it." Apparently she hasn't learned even three years later when to stop speaking. "It went through a few people to get to me, so it might have gotten twisted, but I'd believe it."  _

_ "It would explain why he looks so renewed," Edelgard notes.  _

_ "How come you were never like that with me?" Lysithea jokes. _

_ Leave it to El to dissolve into a juvenile mess when that happens. "Lysie," she whines. "I wasn't even sure what  _ to  _ do when I took a partner. They don't write books on how to handle the impossible when it's  _ positive,  _ I've found."  _

_ "So your formality with me after we started dating was?"  _

_ "Pure disbelief, more than likely."  _

_ Lysithea realizes that El is telling the truth. The idea of someone who can and has a lot of misadventures with all people and genders (all approved by Lysithea, as she understands that some people have the curse of an active libido) is so embarrassed by an unhealthy pipsqueak no one really pays attention to… it's fucking  _ ridiculous _ , but endearing regardless. Lysithea doesn't make a big deal as El isn't fond of touch, but she does kiss her shoulder. "You're better than all those people anyways."  _

_ El blushes with a smile. "You're too kind." As she sorts through the papers, Lysithea hums kindly. She enjoys Edelgard in exactly the opposite ways that she does Annette. Nettie never thinks over anything she does. She's bustling, excitable, emotional, and always tells Lys down to the punctuation how she feels, good or not. She's been that way since they met when Lysithea was eleven at a camp where sapphism was allowed, and they've been thick as thieves ever since. Annette is her best friend, her lover, her heart. _

_ El… she's got secrets. She often doesn't like to talk about them, and Lysie would still long for her regardless. Her poise, her grace, her controlled fire in the face of adversaries… she should be the president based on the amount of formality, eloquence, and unwillingness to take shit from others. Even if El never shared her secret traumas and their shared disease, Lysithea would long for her anyways, but all that El gives Lysithea only makes their relationship stronger.  _

_ Lys loves them both. She'd give anything for them. And, well, her life will never be too long. To have every year for the past eight be full of life… it'll help replace what she's going to miss. _

_ She asks El "So you were concerned about Dimitri and  _ others,  _ correct?"  _

_El nods. A few seconds pass before she sighs, hands to her head, and says "I really just hate Hilda." Lysithea starts to giggle quietly, head bowed into her arms. "I mean, whatever, she's shallow, underhanded, and_ vain. So vain! _" Lysithea giggles even more until El gives her a conspiratorial look and hush. "She conversed with me once about makeup and I took the bait, fool that I am."_

_ "Oh, Sothis." Lysithea's eyes turn horrified.  _

_ "Sothis indeed," Edelgard confers. She doesn't elaborate further, and Lysie just lies back against her arm. "It can be a bit difficult to interact with other girls at times, but it's the cishets that make me wonder if I honestly know what I'm doing."  _

_ "Hey," Lysithea says sharply, tapping El roughly. "You're amazing, El. Do you believe me?"  _

_ Edelgard looks at the table like the natural cherrywood swirls are engaging her. "I… well, I'm not sure what I think."  _

_ Lysithea nods sadly. "I think you're one of the most amazing women I've ever met on any level. I know it'll take awhile for you to believe that, but I'll be holding that belief for all of my life."  _

_ El makes a satisfied signing sound, resting her head against Lysie. "You're too kind to me, love."  _

_ Lysie shakes her head. "It's what you deserve." And it is. It's a statement that she could never take back. Hopefully, she'll never have to. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


On the ride up next morning, Edelgard observes Annette in the van service they were provided. Annette has always fascinated her, an endless cheer generator and awkward but adorable young woman. (Young, like she's not only a year her junior.) She's admittedly a perfect barrier and perfect contrast to Edelgard being solemn and authoritative with her loose, easily excitable messiness. It… is stressful to Edelgard often, but it is also refreshing. 

Usually. Not counting how Annette is whistling along to the radio.

Edelgard does not like the radio. She doesn't really judge Annette for liking it because Annette likes most things and Edelgard enjoys few. (She, for instance, also doesn't like whistling.) Maybe she's just a cynical girl, something she and poor Lysithea have shared. It's not Annette's fault. 

Still.

Would it be too rude for Edelgard to put her headphones in? She checks out the window. They're almost at the hospital, at last, so she decides not to. The hill is perilous, enough to nerve her out a little. She suddenly holds a hand to Annette's clavicle like  _ she's  _ the scared one. Instead, Ann giggles and takes it in her own hand, stroking gently. Edelgard bows her head. Of course she couldn't get away with it. She forgets this often, but Annette is incredibly sharp emotionally. What she struggles with in academics despite her best attempts, she makes up for with her uncanny lie detection. She's always been a bit too pleased when she reads Edelgard right. 

Edelgard decides to keep Annette's hand in hers as they see the first medical building in this gigantic plaza atop the hill. Not for nothing, but she's never been a big fan of hospitals. Three guesses as to why. 

Annette doesn't let go, and Edelgard tries not to give it away. She doesn't need to hear why this was a bad idea from Annette. If she's anything like she was as a youth, then she's very overprotective of both of them to motherly extents. Right now, Edelgard needs a peer. No better a fellow than your amicable ex who's also dated who you were dating, she supposes.

She handles the transport driver, letting him know that they  _ are  _ at the entrance nearest their destination, she follows a covered Annette in, her own hoodie thinner than Annette's parka. "Do you have a hot chocolate hidden in that?" Edelgard asks incredulously as they wait for the elevator. 

"No, but I'm writing that idea down," she responds breezily. Edelgard feels a little twinge across a heartstring, but doesn't focus on it, just holding her hand while occasionally straightening her own coat.

Shame that she let the memory go, though, just before her consciousness realizes that it's really a damn hospital she's in. 

They get to the floor Lysithea's on and Edelgard is impressed at how similar the isolation wards are between Enbarr and here. Still, poor Lysithea has to deal with this so she doesn't catch any sickness from around here, or pass her disease to anyone with the afflict itself. 

She thinks of how quickly the third brother spread it to the other children. How quickly they were eaten alive by this- this  _ plague- _

She realizes quickly that she is significantly slowing down and as such catches up to Ann posthaste. She's talking to the lady at the front desk, probably trading fudge recipes or something- though giving cooking advice is the last thing to go to Annette Fantine Dominic for. 

Both reconfirm that they have no disease, Edelgard even arrogantly throwing in "I'm a survivor" with a smug grin. Annette's eyes pop out and she high-fives Edelgard. She's satisfied. She gets to be happy about this son of a bitch disease for once. 

They're told there should be data on their longterm health files online, Edelgard indeed a survivor who sees cautious doctors often and Annette a ray of sunshine; as such, immune to bad human things.

(Not sincerely, but she did show signs of good health when last visiting Lysithea two days ago.) 

They're allowed to visit Lysithea one at a time if a) they'll wear a mask, which seems like no big deal to Edelgard because she's not a complete dumbass, and b) they are careful about touch. This seems reasonable enough to them. 

Both stand outside of Lysithea's door. Edelgard realizes that the girl she hasn't seen in years, her once-close companion, the former love of her life, everything that ever was, is in there.

Annette looks at her pretty specifically before she says "You need to go first, okay? You're so tense." 

"Am I?" asks Edelgard, pretending that she's not shaking. 

"I saw her two days ago," Annette affirms with a surprisingly shy smile. "It's been years for you, Ede, so… say hi to her for me, let her know I'm here." 

Edelgard cracks an especially sincere smile, almost hugging her until she realizes they've got clean gear on and they both leap apart like a magnetic generator reversed. 

"Suit?" Annette asks.

"Yes!" Edelgard answers. 

They're a decent space apart, but Edelgard watches Annette pass her, stop, and pull her mask from her cheek to leave a light kiss by her hairline. Edelgard holds a hand to her cheek and blushes full orange like a young girl again. 

"I'll be in their waiting room, okay?" she says. Edelgard probably mumbled something in the affirmative. She makes sure Annette wasn't wearing a ton of lipstick and, after a deep breath, holds the handle.

And stops. 

And thinks.

And then realizes that the easiest way to do something is to stop thinking about it.

She takes a moment, curses everything bad in her life that's leaving her as such a scared little bitch about this, and enters the room.

It looks like a hospital room. Surprisingly spacey, a huge curtain acting as one wall, a nearby little bathing area and toilet, a couch, a thankfully used television, a sink and gathering of cabinets, and a large hospital bed with a mess of equipment. 

Below the risen arm of the bed is Lysithea, nose pointed at the television, hands gripping the railing. When she looks into Lysithea's eyes, there's fear in them, like Edelgard's come to unplug her life support and not visit a long lost friend-

(That  _ you  _ threw away.) 

"Edelgard?" she asks incredulously. 

"Yes." Edelgard stands near her. "You remembered my promise to visit you, yes?"

"I remember you promising but I wasn't sure if you actually would." 

That hurts Edelgard on a near-visible level, but she just nods and pulls a chair up. "Regardless, I am here, as I promised." 

Lysithea still doesn't look at Edelgard, which is frightening her in a way most paralyzing, a way that screams  _ is she actually angry, is the woman I am- was- in love with, too angry to see me even in this state-  _

"Edelgard…"

El does so wish that she would call her El again. 

"I'm not sure why you're here." 

An entire wave of responses flash through her mind at once and she's still pretty sure she heard the word love at least five times. Instead, Edelgard says "I'm, ah, trying to do things differently. After my father passed, I knew that I couldn't waste time with more college, so-" 

"Edelgard." 

The sternness of her voice, annoyed more than angered, gives Edelgard chills. "You didn't actually give a reason as to why you're up here." 

The honest one isn't what she's gonna start off on yet. How callous, how egotistical, would it be to make such lofty promises when Lys is clearly angry at her. Problem is, she doesn't want to go with any honest ones, even  _ because I missed you and I love you and I'm so sorry- _

"Did Annette put you up to this?" 

Edelgard gasps. Unusually surly, she asks "What? About Annette?" 

"Did she make you visit me?" 

Edelgard groans as she flings herself against the daybed. "No, Lysithea. I made the decision to visit myself." Under her breath, she spits out "Gods!"

Lysithea nods. "Huh." 

Feeling a little sour still, she sneaks in "I did have to pencil you in after other engagements."

"Fuck you." 

Edelgard hums. If she acts indifferent, maybe she'll forget how much she's dying inside right now as the number one answer on the board for "does Lysithea hate you?" appears to be a resounding  _ yes. _

It's quiet after that. In retrospect, a bad idea. The background droning television, the steady beeping of soulless machinery, the way that everything is too dark for this room, it feels like sleep, real sleep, sleeping for hours or days and shutting off your mind- 

"Do you… want to talk about anything, Lysithea?" Edelgard asks. 

"What is there to really say?" Lysithea asks. 

"Well, like what you were doing before this, I suppose."

"I was in college for a while after I made up the credits taken from me at Garreg Mach. I tried to finish for a Bachelor's, just for the hell of it, and then I dropped out and conserved my energy."

"Was it very bad then?" 

"Yeah, that's why I  _ dropped out. _ "

Edelgard puts her hands up. "Okay, I'll concede." She then thinks a little bit. What was the information she should have from Lysie, at least to personally understand what the situation is, when to schedule. "How long has it been acting up?" 

"I moved in with Nettie six months ago, so that long."

Edelgard nods. "I understand. I… how many times have you been in?"

"A lot. I lost count after eight."

" _ Cichol _ ," she swears under her breath. "So it's been getting bad lately." 

Lysithea's eyes turn toward her. "Uhm, yes, Edelgard. Did you not know that?" 

Edelgard thinks. She can't recall Annette saying anything about Lysithea's condition being bad other than being at the hospital. She knows how it was with her family, but they all had the X type, which is a swift attack of the immune system. Like her siblings. Lysithea is, fittingly, a Y- slow, gradual release of Nabatean. Its prevention is near impossible due to the degradation of the immune system. She doesn't know how close Lysithea is to the end, but she will die in a few years, unless her health is so bad…

"I  _ said,  _ do you not  _ know _ that?" 

"Not in exact terms," she admits. "I knew it was decreasing, that you were slowly getting worse, which is why I-" 

"Stop, Edelgard, okay?" Lysithea leans over the railing propelled by rage. Then she goes so slack that she nearly falls over. "Edelgard. Please… just  _ please _ , shut the fuck up." 

Lucky for Lysithea, she's too rage-filled to respond immediately. Lysithea continues to bear each word as a burden for some reason. "Five years. Five years ago is when we all split. I don't care what happened before. I don't regret that. They were wrong, they were draconian, and I'm gonna will half my life savings to whoever shoves Rhea off a bridge. But then, you gave that whole noncommittal  _ let's see how it works  _ deal between the three of us then fuck off for five years?" 

"I'm back  _ now,  _ aren't I?" 

Lysithea rolls her eyes. "Oh, yes, thank you for gracing me with your presence, Lady Edelgard." 

"What has gotten  _ into  _ you lately?" Edelgard asks, finally throwing her hands up. 

"Nothing's gotten into me  _ lately,  _ Edelgard. It happened after you all but cut me and Annette out of your life after we went for years being closer than sisters. You were a piece of me, Edelgard, and you left me with nearly nothing." 

"I was protecting you!" Edelgard insists. 

"What the  _ fuck? _ " 

"Everyone was angry with me after we were ratted out. I'm the one that got the most shit from it. I was careless. I ruined things. I have to live with that. I didn't want you two to have to catch any grief. I decided to actually lay low and give you a chance."

Lysithea stares at her in shock that she said what she did. After a bunch of false starts, she decides on "Oh, so  _ that's  _ why they invited only you to the reunion."

Edelgard bows her head. Goddess damn Annette and her propensity to be painstakingly detailed to everyone.

"Why did only Annette hear about that before, by the way?" The way she speaks, with curiosity that sounds like snide irony, or like pain and regret, or what just feels like absolute disgust towards Edelgard. 

"What do you  _ mean?! _ " Edelgard can't form any words afterward. Is she insulting Annette? Her? She's  _ certainly  _ accusing them of hiding secrets, like Edelgard hates her, like Edelgard could ever feel anything right now other than hurt, a shattering of whatever she used to idealize, whatever might have been worth salvaging in her life.

"It's very clear to me," Edelgard says, "that you have no intention of being anything other than petty at me. So if you don't mind." 

She gets up, pushing her chair back to the nowhere it needs to go, but Edelgard von Hresvelg is a proper bitch and so she does. "Take care, Lysithea." 

"Fuck off!" 

"Whatever," Edelgard groans. "Fuckin', I'll see you when you want to be reasonable." 

Before she closes the door, she hears Lysithea yell "don't fucking bother!" She rolls her eyes. This… hateful child that replaced her beloved friend… like her brothers, her sisters, all losing their heart and mind before they go. Just like her. Just like has always happened ever since Sothis decided that she should have a fucking serial killer for a mother, and in a twist of fate, her  _ father  _ kills nearly the entire bloodline.

Then again, maybe she's the hateful child. Maybe she's the problem with everything. But she already knew that. She just wasn't sure if _she's_ fucked or everything is. 

Edelgard runs into the nearest restroom. It's single stall, thankfully unoccupied. She takes in the privacy of the little room, but she can't stop shaking, her legs jogging without her mind's consent.

She reaches for her phone. To Annette, she texts  _ your turn. _

She takes the battery out and, with a scream of rage, slaps the glass mirror above the sink so hard that it breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm gonna tell you something you probably know if'n you know me and that's that three years ago I nearly died of cancer. It was a miserable experience I am still not over, and it was an ugly one. I tried being the ideal cancer victim and leave a pretty corpse but... I was mad. A lot. And people who loved me were also irrationally angry. What I'm trying to say is, I tried to write them both with the honesty I never allowed myself. It was ugly because of the actions taken, but I feel it is more authentic for two former lovers with tension to react like this rather than a more amicable meeting. So try not to give the characters too much crap. Seems like everyone trips over themselves to yell about Edelgard as it is :/


	4. I want you to find me on the other side

_ There's a home east of Garreg Mach- the school and city- that houses a lot of the rebels from both. It's the closest to a dream come true for Lysithea that she's ever had- a house of people. She's… lonely. She shouldn't be, because she's got El as her companion, someone who can relate to everything about her, and Annette- a woman who would light up a cornfield to clear a path for her- as her other. She can do a lot with those two, happily, but she likes… well, bigger houses. Not by size, by people. When she can disappear in a crowd, she finds that more preferable than anything.  _

_ It's after the planning that she's comfortable stretching her legs from an enclosed cubby that she attended the meeting from, clad in a pink pea coat and two layers of white tights. A lot of cover, but her body is always on the cold side.  _

_She watches everyone do as they do, Bernadetta from third year fleeing the scene like she killed three and wounded seven, Hilda from first year flirting with everyone that has ears (often at the same time,), Hapi from another class taking up an entire couch lying in the lap of the fussy, high-class Constance, who's_ _busy_ _trying to lecture Hapi on how to efficiently take up space. Lysithea can't help but giggle under her breath; those two are like an unstoppable force and immovable object ran into each other and eventually decided to just bang it out and now they're a couple. It can be seriously easy sometimes._

_ Not that Lysithea can judge. Nettie made every first move from when they first became a young couple about eight years ago, and once El opened up about her experiences with Nabatean's, they were inseparable, like the only two in the world who could speak a dead language. The two sides of her heart, the dark and light, covered by two people.  _

_ She misses crowds a lot, but she's okay as long as she has them.  _

_ It's Annette that reaches her first, which makes sense because Edelgard's busy and she's basically school royalty with her riches, looks, and other things people shouldn't care about in their leaders. Especially the Golden Deer leader Claude, the jackass talking to a subtly irritated Edelgard right now. He always made it a point to tease Lysithea about being so young and scared of things.  _

_ Annette leans on her shoulder and that's how Lysithea realizes that she's there next to her in the cubby. It's airtight and Annette's sitting on Lysithea's legs, she thinks, but she doesn't mind being close with a girlfriend, especially one of eight or so years. (The official account is three, as in since they started school, but they've been thick as thieves since their first meeting at camp.) _

_ "Whatcha doin'?" Nettie asks, voice always a rhythmic ring of church bells that rivals Garreg Mach's.  _

_ "Relaxing. Gotta fill up my tank." Lysithea adjusts from underneath Nettie. "Good meeting?" _

_ She nods. "I like the meetings. Beforehand when Edelgard complained about how religiously strict GM was, I was like 'yeah, but what can we do about it?'" She gestures to the room. "Apparently, this. And, like, having the sort of base and crew makes it feel less like, you know, three kids throwing pebbles at the Goddess."  _

_ "It's very validating," Lysithea agrees. "To have others join in. It's one thing to have controversial stances. It's another to know many people who do. And it's another to see, like, the rise of a movement." The last statement felt a bit too serious. "I mean, it's a  _ very  _ specific and niche movement, but-"  _

_ "I get it," Annette says in a near-whisper. She's finally let her hair start to grow out. It tickles more than her loop-de-loops, but the way lies close to her cheek and her shoulder makes Nettie feel closer, feel hers. _

_ So she's selfish, and steals a kiss from the side of Annette's face. She's still a little awkward just like their camp days, but that's where Annette would kiss her often when they were young teenage campers, and the kiss reminds her of when she was confident returning it. Telling her. Giving in. It's never giving up when she takes a chance and indulges in what she held at a distance, even when the goal is not to. It's giving in. It's a new direction she's too happy to be going to remember why she withheld. _

_ Annette tilts Lysithea's head up, looks her in the eyes, and gives her the sweetest smile with crinkled eyes and unfathomable love. It's the rare time where she doesn't act like she's late for something and rush over in a panic. She's… free, for now. _

_ Lysithea lets her start the kiss- careful, sweet, and chaste enough for no one that's not devoutly religious to bother judging. It's electric, it's powerful, it could make Lysithea fly and lift buildings and uproot all of shitty repressive Garreg Mach and throw it into the sea and then she and Nettie could kiss on the wreckage. It's the strongest Lysithea ever feels.  _

_ It's the one time where she doesn't feel  _ it _.  _

_ "Annie!" an unrealistically wispy voice calls. Annette's jarred out of the kiss haze and jerks to see who it is. Except she hits her nose on a nearby shelf, yelling like she's scandalized by it.  _

_ "Owww," she says nasally. She turns to Lysithea. "That's Mercie. We're, uh, gonna talk and then I'll come back and kiss you again, got it?"  _

_ Blushing, Lysithea nods. "I'll see you in a bit, Nettie."  _

_ "Bye!" Nettie calls as she gets off the cubby bench and runs after the call of her name. She's gone before Lysithea can tell her to  _ watch out, you're gonna hit someone.  _ She can't stop it now, so she watches the room that the meeting is in. Or, rather, her favorite person.  _

_ Edelgard sorts through papers one by one, reading the maps on some and tracing a path with a pen. She does this a lot because, as she says, she's often very stressed about "leaving strings untied". Work that isn't done that could be easily done ups her anxiety. Lysithea has a similar type of anxiety.  _

_ Hers is just on a timer. _

Annette never really sang hymns in church because she never really understood the whole concept of faith. However, she sang a lot when she did work around the area. When she helped clean the kitchen in Camp Violet. When she organized the library at Garreg Mach. When she was stuck on homework. When Lysithea just needed a lullaby and a big cry. Sometimes the songs have words made up on the spot. Sometimes they're complete nonsense. Sometimes they're really good and she's just like  _ write that down, me!  _ (She still has a copy of  _ Here! _ written down in her notebook.) 

Sometimes, they're not songs she made up. They're songs she likes because they make her think of someone she loves. The song for Lysithea used to go  _ give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die  _ as sort of a middle finger to Nabatean's. When it was impossible to ignore anymore, Annette would look at Lysithea in her lap, and the only song she could think of that didn't lie to them was  _ stay with me, let's just breathe,  _ because Annette did not want Lysithea to be scared like she was, brokenhearted like she was, absolutely lost like she was. Some of the lyrics cut deep, but it seemed only for Annette the closer to the end it got, the more things hurt, and the more she couldn't stop hurting. She hid it as best as she could, changing lyrics to be softer so they hurt less to sing, letting Lysithea join her on the chorus, and never letting Lysithea hear her weep as loudly as she wanted to whenever she finished the last six words of the song.

When she gets the text from Edelgard, something feels fucky.  _ Your turn.  _ That's not a thing she can imagine Ede saying. For one, it would have a lot more words. For another, she could not have any good reason to not just tag out with Annette. It raises her hackles but she doesn't know what she expected from everyone. What she's comfortable expecting. 

"Annette Dominic?" A nurse calls. Annette raises and waves her hands around like several cheerleaders so the nurse can see her. "The patient you want to see is ready." 

Annette grins, even if by now it's a little tweaked by nervousness. "Can't wait!" she promises, even if the smile isn't real. 

She takes the same path to Lysithea's room, feeling the nerves come through. She's always a little nervous walking to her door. Before, that was never the case. At camp, at school, at homes- even in the exodus they wrote a lot to each other. Now… she's scared. She's scared and doesn't know why. Well, she knows  _ why,  _ but she should want to be around Lysithea  _ more. _

Then she hears a sickening retching sound and it stops being about her emotions and starts being about cold, hard reality. 

"Lys?" she asks tentatively. 

Another retch. Annette can feel it in her own throat.

"I, uh, I can wait." 

A little more time. Then, echoing in the toilet bowl: 

"Good." 

Annette listens to her heave nothing into it, eventually stand up, and wash her hands and gargle in a sink. She meets Annette from in front of the door in her hospital gown, white hair shorter and washed out.  _ Washed out  _ is in general a good way to describe her. She's generally a little frumpy in the hospital but that doesn't alarm Annette because you're  _ supposed  _ to be. In this place… the hospital… she looks like a corpse and it makes Annette want to cry and run. 

The fact that she doesn't really should get her a medal of some kind. 

"How are you doing?" Annette asks, holding her hand out. Then, a second later, she uses it to slap her forehead. "Um, never mind." 

Lys chuckles a little. Annette is so goddamn grateful that she could cry. "Seats are, uh, a little down here," she says. 

"That sounds lovely." 

They both sit in front of the television. Lys is watching some crappy mature documentary and Annette knows that she isn't into it. Elbowing her side, she asks "Did Miss Casagranda assign this for homework?" 

"Hey!" she protests. "I'm… I'm into this." 

"Girl, you're in the hospital. Treat yourself. No one's holding a gun to your head." 

Lysithea nods. "Yeah, that's true. I just wanted to put this on for…" 

"For what?"

Lysithea shuts it off via the remote call light hanging off the hospital bed. Annette's eyes follow her movements, saying the  _ what the hell  _ she definitely means. 

"Look," Lysithea says. "I don't want to get into details. I don't wanna be, like, a rat. Especially not to her. She deserves more respect." 

To  _ her.  _ Annette's eyes narrow. Then she closes them as she realizes what she means.  _ Fuck,  _ she thinks, not knowing how to react. 

"I'm sorry," Lysithea starts to cry, and even though Annette's crap at telling whether or not people are lying, she's known Lys for thirteen years. She's a Lysithea expert. A Lysithologist. And Lys would rather chop her arm off than look weak in front of anyone, even Annette, to whom she's the most vulnerable. 

Something is very wrong.

"I don't get her," Lysithea says, tearing up. "I really don't. Like, not long after she came in she… she was so impersonal, like…" 

Annette's eyes narrow. Oh, this is gonna get  _ worse.  _ She doesn't like being the football of relationship drama, but these two rarely involve her in fights. Hell, she rarely sees them fight at all. The two of them fight more, though it doesn't last more than a day. Five years, though… Ede's absence didn't hit her as hard as Lysithea, but she understands how it could. 

Lysithea is sighing next to her. Not crying, but sighing heavily and whimpering a good bit. "Look… I know I was angry. I was barely avoiding blowing my top from the start, but it just hurt, because she was just so  _ formal.  _ Like a telemarketer reading off a script. And like… I said some stuff about how she was treating me. Her too. But some of the stuff…" Lys looks at the floor. "I don't know. I think we both just snapped until she left early."

"She what?!"

"And that's what I hate," Lysithea says. "I just hate how when it's stuff like, so haughty and condescending. She has never treated me like I'm not worth her time, but here… we wanted to  _ hurt  _ each other, Nettie, and I hate myself for it but I'm not sure if El- El…" 

That's as long as Lys can hold on before falling apart, starting to cry. Annette has to wrap around an arm and pull her closer. Then she finds herself getting close to crying. This isn't like Edelgard, and that scares her. Will Annette witness something similar? Whenever the two argue Ede frustrates her with her forced maturity like she knows she's right because she says things in an even voice. Her with Lysithea didn't even manage that. They just went through the worst of it. 

She wants to go stand on a phone book and give Ede hell right to her face. She knows that it feels disconnected, like special treatment just because she knows and loves Lysithea. But as she cries on Nettie's shoulder, she feels weaker than ever before. Like she won't be happy if Lys isn't. 

For old times' sake, Annette decides to try something on a whim. "You wanna get some air? There's the little porch out here." 

Lys dries her eyes and inhales her snot. Annette should really give her a tissue, so she'll snag the box on the way out. "I, uh- yeah. Yeah, I can… yeah." She dries her eyes on her sleeve and stands up. 

"Neato. Thanks, Lyssie." Annette kisses the top of her head- a little harder after her growth spurt, but still doable. Lysithea giggles, though there's less mirth behind it than usual. As the two walk to the sliding door to the porch, Annette grabs the tissue box off of a nearby table with a lamp- well, nearby in that the detour isn't too long. Only takes her ten seconds. 

She still makes sure to open the door for Lysithea. "Quite the gentlewoman," she muses, almost sounding chuffed. 

"I try," Annette responds loosely. The two step outside. 

The "porch" has well earned its quotation marks. It's a ledge with two plastic chairs, a plexiglass fence to their chests, and a glass side table you have to move to the center if you want to share it. Annette takes that seat so she can, though she's a  _ little  _ wobbly with it. "Gangway!" she warns as she semi-drops it into place.

Lysithea notices as she sits down and teases "You've gotten less clumsy over the years." 

Annette gasps. "Hey! I'm doing my best!" 

"Exactly," Lysithea notes with another giggle. The two sit on their chairs, holding hands on the table. Annette looks at her former girlfriend… current? It's clear that they love each other; during the five-year split, they talked all the time building something new from different countries, Annette in the Faerghus area of Garreg Mach, and Lysithea in southeastern Leicester Union. It became an honest, mildly flirtatious, less intense version of what they had before and, though Annette can't believe it, it's actually made them closer to build a friendship below the heartrending intense romance of their youth. Well, on some level. If Annette kissed her she doubts that Lys would shoo her away. She's not gonna, but she probably could. Maybe the better term would be life partner; she doesn't remember her childhood super well for, ahem, reasons, so it really has felt like Lysithea has always been there.

The thought wounds her almost as much as it heals her. 

"Hey, Nettie?" 

Lys' voice is so tiny, so shaky. Annette tries to look at her life partner, but she's avoiding eye contact. Annette doesn't get it until she gets it. Even then, she doesn't get it, but she knows it will hurt. 

"Nettie, I might not be coming home this time." 

Annette sucks in a breath, the words punching her in the gut one at a time. "O-oh," she responds, barely able to speak. At the end, she just nods and whispers "okay". Every breath hurts and isn't enough. 

It's silent between the two of them, both holding hands on the table and Annette trying her hardest to steady her breaths. Lysithea looks at her with unapologetic sympathy, like this had to happen.

It did have to, didn't it?

"You're… Lys…" 

Lys closes her eyes, bracing herself. 

"You're not gonna make it, are you?"

Lysithea opens her eyes to look at Annette, how she pleads for the truth not to be the truth. All she can honestly do is shake her head apologetically. 

Annette breaks in record time. Lysithea comes to her chair and holds her as she cries, like Annette just learned  _ she  _ was dying, not her other half. 

"I'm sorry," Annette bawls, using the first tissue of the box she brought out with them. "I shouldn't be crying harder than you, it's just…" she can't finish and sobs again, the terminal girl she loves comforting her. 

Lysithea isn't crying at all yet. Talking about Edelgard hurt her more than announcing her own death. "Nettie, babe. I had fifteen, twenty years to prepare for this. It's… I hate it, but I'm prepared as I can be, I guess." 

Annette courtesy nods, but still feels so selfish. "I guess," she chokes. "I just… I'm gonna miss you so much, sweetheart. I can't…" she sobs again. "I can't, like… what am I gonna be like without you?" 

"Nettie," Lys coos. "You're smart, creative, lovely, and hilarious. You can make it without me. I know it." 

Annette sniffles. "I can try. I… I owe it to you. I'm just gonna miss you so much." 

Lysithea snuggles against her. They're so close on the chair and Annette just wants to hold her close and fight off death itself to save the love of her life. That's what Lys is to her, the love of her life. And she doubts she'll ever be able to claim that for anyone else. 

"I'm scared too, if that helps," Lysithea admits. "I mean- duh. But… what comes after this life…" she chuckles. "I never really bought into the whole Seiros faith. It's not a matter of salvation or damnation. It's just like… even if I reincarnate, which I tend to think, I don't… I don't want to say goodbye." She sighs. "To you, or to Edelgard." 

_ Edelgard _ . She doesn't know why the name burns so much- there's no way she knew it was this bad- but the whole thing is an emotional mess. 

Lysithea leans further on Annette's shoulder. "I'm… I'm really sorry, you know?" 

"What for?" 

Lys closes her eyes. "Just… this all. I didn't want us to break up early. I thought I had another, like, twelve years in me or something, and I don't. I…" she gets a tissue, which is impressive since Annette went through five. "It's gonna be soon. Months. And… I didn't want it like this." 

"It's…" Annette's trying really hard not to cry more. "Lys, it isn't your fault that things progressed. You've been  _ incredible  _ through everything. And that's how you've been as long as I know you." 

Lysithea buries her head in Annette's neck and kisses her softly, holding her in a way that says  _ I need you  _ and that's okay because Annette needs her too.

She won't have her for too long.

"I love you, Lys," she breathes, trying not to cry.

Lys herself is a lot more easygoing, as if just happy to have her for now. "Love you too, Nettie." 

Nettie feels Lys' breath steady against her chest and she's happy that she's resting more than she is upset that she's not awake. Like a child, Annette holds her, head perched on each other's shoulders. It's not the most comfortable feeling in the world, but she wants every second of it. 

She thinks of Edelgard a little bit. She's a little horrified at what she heard. She knew that they were on rough terms, but to fight like that? When Lysie doesn't have very long, nearly as long as they thought…

Lysithea hiccups, and Annette remembers where she is right now. Best not to get upset. Best just to enjoy the sunset with the woman she loves on her arm. Her steady breath heats Annette's cheek and her face is so close to her left side that, from some angles, Annette can almost pretend that they're not at the hospital at all.

Quietly, she sings. It isn't to wake up Lysithea. Maybe her lasting memory of her love will be the times where Annette treated her to a lullabye before they slept in the same bed, Lysithea hanging onto her neck, a little girl for a little while. She sings the song she always sings,  _ stay with me, let's just breathe.  _ Now she can't hear that song with a dry eye, especially with the proper line telling her what would become of Lysithea,  _ hold me til I die, meet you on the other side.  _ All she can do is prepare to go through life without her, then hope against hope that Lysithea is in fact on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really did take a needle and fuckin' jam it in my eye didn't I


	5. we're all alone but not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is gonna be harder to write than expected. I was just rediagnosed with cancer so... oofzilla

The busier Edelgard is, the less she has to think. It hurts to think. It's a mixture of rage that it went this way, pain that this was Lysie's reaction, and disappointment because she deserves it.

As she sits in the waiting room, eight floors away from her wreck of the day, she remembers telling Byleth what had happened in the last five years. Structurally, it was correct. Emotionally, untouched. She never explained the hollowness of her heart knowing that she was the last von Hresvelg alive, the daughter of founding Adrestian aristocrats who would simply never measure up. She didn't explain why she decided not to be a lawyer and decided to buy out the closed camp she spent so many formative years at… years where she blossomed into Edelgard. She never shared how badly she wants to help kids like her discover the girl hiding away in their hearts.

She also hasn't really dissected why she feels so worthless for leaving Lysithea and Annette. She'll make things right when she's less mad at Lysithea- they don't have forever, but even the decade they've been told to expect is a lot of time when you have no real plans. 

She hopes that what she has in this folder will help her harness that time. It's why she's here. It's why she came back. It's why she's trying to make everything right. Is it why she's failing so spectacularly? Knowing that, in a few months, the both of them will be guaranteed life? Is she taking Lysie for granted? 

All the spiderwebs tangle within each other and the only sure thing is the folder.

She flips through the content in. Annette is still gone and Edelgard won't dare text her. Partially because she would assume that Annette would castrate her over message, partially because… well, Ann loves Lysie. She still does. And that love is returned. Edelgard isn't good for much these days, but she'd happily do what she could to make them happy with each other. At the very least, she could push them closer together before she goes back to Camp Violet and starts a new chapter of her life.

Her gut drops as she thinks of leaving them again. She isn't sure why; she left them the first time. If she wanted to stay by them, she wouldn't have ditched them five years ago. 

She distracts herself by looking through the folder again. She knows what's in it, what it's about, how it affects everyone. She just wants to remember it all.

It's all she feels good for.

She sits up. Okay, all this self-defeating little bitch talk has to stop now. This isn't a place where she can feel sorry for herself. She has to make things right. That's what an adult would do. That's what her father never really did. Edelgard isn't even sure what doing right looks like. She just has a lot of experience failing and wants to use that to learn how to do right.

It's hard not to look at the document and wish that there was someone like that for her siblings. Her only younger brother, her eldest sister, the fourth child- she forgot all their names on purpose because it reminds her that they were her siblings, family she loved, and now she's alone and no one loves her and it's all her fault-

She hears the click clack of the shoes Annette wore and gulps. Edelgard looks down like a child scared of her mother scolding her. Internally, all her bile and frustration flips her stomach, but it doesn't last as she steels herself. Metallic, unfeeling, the perfectly rational little girl expected to run the Von Hresvelg legacy into anywhere but the dirt. 

"Edelgard." 

Ede didn't delude herself into thinking Annette wouldn't be mad, but the usage of her whole name definitely clarified how fucked she was. Hell, parents do that- or so she's heard. Annette feels smaller than her in every moment other than this one. Hell, she looks like she grew five inches while they were gone. 

"Is the ride here?" she asks.

"Just got the call. It's due in fifteen minutes, but last time I told them to wait they ditched me in a rainstorm and I was fucked supreme. So we're going."

Edelgard gets up and follows. It's deafeningly silent between them as they walk out. Just to test the waters, Edelgard asks "How was your visit?" 

She scoffs like Edelgard's insane for thinking she had the right. "Better than yours." The conversation ends there as Edelgard expected. 

It's going to be interesting.

\-----

Annette looks out the window as a smattering of snow hits the ground like it was late. She's so glad she asked for a return ride. Edelgard sits in the seat next to her, leaning by the opposite window. Annette's a little repulsed by her- not like, wow she's disgusting, but like a magnet that literally can't be near Edelgard right now. 

"Are you angry?" Edelgard whispers. They left the hospital hill five minutes ago, which is impressive as she expected Edelgard to needle her instantly. 

"I'm so fucking angry," she clarifies in a hiss because the driver is up front and she is a  _ courteous  _ bitch. "Just… mollified by you doing what you fucking did. I didn't expect a love confession or anything but what the hell is going on?" 

"I asked Lysithea a few things. An argument broke out between us, so I decided to take space to let it all die out." Ede's not lying, but it feels like her sentence ended early. Also,  _ very  _ poor choice of words, minus ten points to the Black Eagle.

"She was  _ crying  _ when I saw her." Annette says. "She's  _ ill.  _ She can't keep up mean and she's too tired to lie." 

"That's what I was worried about," Edelgard breathes. "We were falling into arguments. I would have ran her limited energy out."

Annette wants to call Sothis down herself to tell her what the hell Ede meant by that. "Edelgard!" she hisses. "Don't just leave! Lys might be mad but she's waited five years to see you. And you two have a  _ lot  _ of junk to sort through. Don't you want to help move you two into a  _ better  _ place?!" She's crying now. Every move hurts. "One of like the five things in the world Lys wants to do is talk to you!" 

Edelgard sighs. "Look, she didn't seem like she did. And besides, there's next time, okay?" she snaps. "I'm not a desperate woman, Ann, and neither is Lysithea." Turning to Annette, she leans onto the driver's seat. "That's the problem we've always had, right? You're so much faster than us; we can't keep pace!" 

Annette doesn't have words to describe how she's feeling but maybe her involuntary eye-twitch and mangled gasp will do. 

"Don't give me that look," Ede commands like it's senior year of Garreg Mach, like she's the rebel queen marching everyone to the fight. "Annette, you know this to be true. It's been a roadblock to us for as long as we've known each other."

"Stop, stop, Ede, I cannot emotionally  _ take  _ one of your lectures right now." 

"But what I'm saying is  _ important,  _ Annette. It's important in the coming months to get along better and treat Lysithea as she wants-" 

_ Coming months. _

Annette's stomach gurgles and leaps into her throat at the words that explain everything.

"Stop the car," Annette orders the driver. 

Edelgard's eyes widen. "Annette, don't do anything hasty." 

"Please stop the car, driver, please! I just need a moment, okay, I'm sick!" She's unsure who she's yelling to at this point.

The driver finally heeds her instruction when she says something practical, but whatever, she's used to Medical Transport being uncomfortably friendly or malfunctioning robots. The car isn't even fully stopped in the parking lot of the mechanic shop that they're by and she's unbuckled and out, nearly falling over. She transfers it to a short run in thick snow that she trips and retches in about ten steps away. There's nothing in it, and it feels like there's nothing in her. Like the Nabatean disease was eating her soul out and not Lysithea's- 

_ Lysithea's-  _

_ Lysithea.  _

_ Lysie. _

_ Lys.  _

Annette screams at the sky loud enough for Sothis to hear. Every ounce of heartbreak, hate, resentment, exhaustion, and pain she experienced in the last week, last few months, last five years- 

She collapses onto her back and starts to weep. 

She isn't sure what happens because all she can think of is  _ Lys, my best friend, my starlight, my angel, my roommate, my camp buddy, you beautiful lovely  _ everything  _ in my life-  _

She doesn't realize she's in Edelgard's lap until she shushes her, soft and firm all at once. Annette can't obey, but Edelgard keeps shushing her. Even when it's clearly fruitless and all Edelgard can do is hold Annette and let her cry, she does. 

"It's okay, darling," she says. She hasn't called Annette a pet name in ages. Annette thought she forgot sometimes. "It's okay." 

"No it's not!" Annette sobs in protest. 

"Why is it not?" 

"Because… cause…" 

Edelgard strokes her hair, trying to coax the words out of her. 

She's gonna wish she hadn't.

"Lysie- Lys is gonna die…" 

Edelgard doesn't realize what she means, then she does.

"She is?" She asks meekly, like a child, like she wants to be comforted by adults because she never has and Annette can't help with that. 

"We talked," she blubbers. "Two months. Three maybe." 

All of the color drains out of her face as she looks at Annette. "Two… months?" Her eyes are there, but not there, as though she made a grave miscalculation. Annette just nods because it  _ hurts,  _ and even if Edelgard didn't piss her off, she just couldn't carry that burden anymore. All she can do is sob in Ede's regal lap until after she feels the rebel princess' chin in the snow, next to her, body wracked with intense emotion that only comes out in wheezes and airtight sobs. Before they hit the ground, all of their muscles go slack, unable to hold onto their sorrows anymore. Fitting that if one of them should die, the other two would fail to function as well.

\---

Edelgard cannot give up faith. 

It's not that it's actually gonna help, but the alternative would be to climb onto the roof and jump off, so she sticks to what she knows.

The scumbag medical transport driver left them there after a minute, so the two of them are waiting on the bus to take them home. Annette, utterly exhausted out of even existing, sleeps in her lap as Edelgard looks up different ways to tell if Lysithea's disease is that degenerative, what happens with terminal patients, and most importantly/frightening, when the window for immunity transfusion closes on her for good. When the bus arrives she's still on her phone and acting as ballast for Ann. 

All she can get for certain is that she'd have to talk to doctors if Ede wants Lysithea to face it as plans would invariably change with Lysie's spike. There's a PDF that downloads too slowly for her liking. The bus gets to Annette's before it finishes and the two stumble out, Annette exhausted having cried all of her grief out for now. Edelgard has to guide her personally to their apartment. Annette walks in, takes her shoes off, tosses her wet jackets on the chair, then falls asleep on the couch within ten seconds of entering. Edelgard mews understandably, charmed. She takes her own things off and, out of lack of anywhere else, goes to lay down in Annette's room, finding her way to the only bedroom. 

She turns the light on and sees.

_ "Okay, seriously though," Annette explains. They're belly-deep in heather in the sanctuary of Camp Violet. "I think purple is like, not a house color."  _

_ Lysithea gasps. _

_ "You seriously  _ think  _ so, Ly?" _

_ She gazes at passing clouds, lying down. "You better start getting fond of purple really quickly if you want to please your girlfriend," Lysithea says, pointedly, six years ago. "Edel, can you back me up on this?"  _

_ Edelgard smiles apologetically at Annette from her seat on her knees that always made her look so tall. "Purple and red go well together," she admits with a guilty smile. She was easier bi y with identifiers than Ann was. "So will purple and blue."  _

_ Annette smiles as she remembers how low the stakes are. "They better, Ede-bean."  _

It's not bold, demanding purple. It's soft and light just like the shade of blue that Annette loves so dearly. It's a subtle way of telling Lysithea how much she loves her, just like the queen size bed, the daybed, and the television up on the wall. It feels like love. Selfless, sacrificing love. All for a forever that was too short to be fair. 

Whatever the case may be, Edelgard feels unworthy of all this and moves back to the living room. By then, that unworthy feeling stretches from a room to Lysithea herself. No wonder Lysithea was angry. Edelgard left that chapter of their lives soonest and sharpest. Annette was the perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect partner, and Edelgard tried to soften her own failures with the excuses that she's busy, she's setting things up, she didn't expect to outlive her entire fucking clan. Still, it speaks for itself. Lysithea was part of Annette's life. Edelgard was a memory.

She sits in the chair, unable to let herself sleep or move much at all, letting her eyes drift towards the phone where the PDF was downloaded.  _ Oh, yes,  _ she thinks bitterly and reluctantly looks. 

Thankfully, there's still hope.

Not much, but there's hope.

It gives her the basic idea. Ultimately, the goal is to fix up the lymph nodes but if you do that while the predator cells (that is, corrupted white blood cells) are in, they'll just get torn to shit again. Lysithea needs immune cells that have survived and continue to outmatch the predatory Nabatean cells. 

The surgery could potentially still happen if Edelgard acts soon, her immune cells transferrable when gathered from the rest of her blood somehow- some concoction she neither knows or cares about the name of. However, the later the donor acts, the more I-cells she would need. The less Edelgard would have. Since Lysie's rapidly progressed, she has less immune cells than before and Edelgard wishes she could go back in time and fucking punch a Nabatean right on its diseased nose- 

Edelgard sighs. She's gonna lose it.

Anyway. Before, she could have had maybe forty percent of her immune cells and Ede could introduce her survivor cells, they'd have a 90-50 split in Lysie's favor- the number bigger than her predator cells so they can themselves multiply and not be overwhelmed by the contamination. Now, there's so little from Lysithea, much further that she needs to function. Sixty-five percent, at least. Maybe seventy. 

In that case, that's a lot of blood. 

Edelgard set out knowing there was a small, yet double digit percentage of death when reading about former Nabatean patients donating I-cells. She was… okay with that. She already outlived everyone in her family. Saving the girl she most loves would mean that her life meant something. No one in von Hresvelg has done anything impressive in the last few generations except die terrifically quickly. If the family name is to disappear, that'll be how it happens. 

However, the double digit number has gone up, up, up to nearly  _ half.  _ The more blood she gives, the higher a risk she has of going into shock, and the less immunity she has, the less she has to fight the predator cells.

She can say things with bravado, but from the vantage of eighteen percent. She's not remotely as cocky when it's forty-nine.

She'll do it, of course. She's just admittedly nervous about herself now.

She sets the phone down on some old coupons and commits to a night without sleep. Something must have happened because the cable box reads two-thirteen when she's softly,  _ softly  _ shaken awake. 

"Ede-bean?" 

Edelgard blinks, a moment of utter petrified fear before she emits a haggard gasp and joins the world of the waking. Annette flinches. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!"

Edelgard puts a hand up. "It's okay. Just that doctors used to wake me up if my heart rate was low." 

Annette's eyes widen in a way that reminds Edelgard of what it's like to have people amazed by her. "Whoa."

"Yeah," she says dryly. "Sometimes it took a little bit. Sometimes I was a spring chicken. Sometimes I had to have CPR. I didn't know when they'd happen or how bad I'd be or when they'd stop so I can sleep right again." 

Annette blinks, touching her arm with a sad smile that reminds Edelgard of what it's like for people to show her mercy for her suffering. "I'll remember to wake you up safely and let you know I'm here from now on. Okay?" 

_ From now on.  _ Edelgard admits that's an idea that sounds lovely, even if unfilled by detail. "Thanks," she says.

Annette pulls her up. "Come on, Ede. Why don't you take the bed? I'll be fine on the daybed." 

Edelgard considers the idea. The idea that she take the bed from Annette seems wrong, but she doesn't want to sleep in a way that leaves her cold or lonely. That leads to a compromise she likes, but makes Annette gasp and freak a little when she does.

Still, she says "yeah, like… yeah." 

Edelgard smiles fondly. She's gonna make sure Annette feels like a part of things from now on. It's the least she could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I know the random flashback was strangely put in but if Quentin Tarantino can do whatever the fuck he wants I can too


	6. the first time that we connected, I think, I don't know for sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True to character, I am publishing this chapter from a hospital

Annette cannot make heads or tails out of Edelgard. How she manages to almost always talk like a business interview or the moment before the army charges. How she manages to feel so close and relatable at some times then lecture her like a child. How she feels like Ede can't decide whether to rebuild things or leave at the end of…

Lysithea. It still sucker punches her when she thinks of it even slightly. She just can't… just can't. She can't imagine, she refuses to. This isn't something she can plan for, losing the woman she's loved more than life for thirteen years now. They were supposed to grow old together, laughing about the amazing life they and Edelgard lived when two of them were supposed to die young. Now it'll be her and Edelgard, who… she loves in her own way, but really can’t see them in a relationship- for better or worse. There’s no way Edelgard would see her that way and Annette doesn’t know how she sees Edie.

It was supposed to be the three of them forever. Now it might be Annette, alone, lost without the good old days occurring again. The thought makes her sniffle and start to cry again because  _ gods  _ it's earth-shattering, it's a loss she'll never escape, and she can already feel the bits of her slip away. Like,  _ pay my respects to grace and virtue, send my condolences to good, give my regards to soul and romance, who only did the best they could.  _ She's losing the ability to love, the ability to be happy, the blessings of truly gentle and romantic touch, never told much, always enough, not ever truly alone…

She wishes it was her instead. A quick death is better than a slow one. Lysithea could probably handle it because she's strong as hell. Edelgard absolutely could. If you don't overthink, Ede will probably come out of this a survivor of grief for, what, the thirteenth time? She's a machine. Annette's never bled that much, and now the worst thing in her life is happening.

Slowly, a pair of arms encroach around Annette's waist, but she lets it happen. "Are you okay, Nets?" 

  
  


_ Edelgard notices her immediately in any room that doesn't already have her dear Lysithea. Lysithea, ghostly and frail but so unshakable at once. Lysithea, with the je ne sais quoi to always leave Edelgard thinking, longing, loving. Edelgard sees her, the woman who settles her grief and encourages her plans and loves the things about Edelgard that she thought should be hated, and wonders  _ how would I live without you, where would I be without you?  _ Lysithea can oft capture her eyes in a crowded room- unless Annette is there. _

_ Then, appropriately, her attention is split. _

  
  


Okay, Edelgard's half-asleep  _ clearly  _ or she wouldn't have used a pet name. "Not really," Nets responds. "Just… the same thing." 

"I know." 

"You know me way too damn well," Annette grouses with a peculiar chill. "Frick." 

"I'm glad," she whispers, leaning towards Annette's ear. "I'm so sorry I lost my cool with you before we lost the cab." Oh, they did a lot worse than lose the cab, but she'll let the euphemism pass. "I like to think that I can figure what you need. You're not hard to figure out." 

Annette sighs because  _ of course  _ she's the dumbass emotional one. Then Edelgard says "No, no. I mean to say that I wish I was the same." 

"You really don't," Annette laughs bitterly. 

"I do," Edelgard insists, her voice gaining tone for the first time. "I'm so complicated. Defensive, just by nature. I'm not as open as I could be because even if I love someone, it's hard to reveal myself to them. Like…" She sighs. "Can I show you something?" 

Annette nods, turning around to face her. Edelgard yawns and removes her top layer, which makes Annette hit total  _ wow, sports  _ level gay panic mode and freeze. Luckily, she's wearing a modest and cute as hell camisole. Annette's not sure she should be staring or  _ why  _ she is. Then light from a passing car or something floods the apartment window and makes Edelgard more detailed.

  
  


_ When Lysithea and Edelgard met at Camp Violet, it was because of Annette. As it turns out, Nabatean's can remove the pigment from your hair, and though Edelgard's bout was brief and years ago, it takes up to twenty years to progress back to color. Annette learned that from Lysithea and introduced the two.  _

_ Edelgard and Lysithea had a whirlwind romance that juxtaposed the one that grew between her and Annette. As it turned out, Annette was very happy that her Lys was getting out there, and not once has she shown any jealousy.  _

_ If nothing else, that sort of free spirit is what drew Edelgard to Annette.  _

  
  


She isn't surprised. Lysithea has a lot of them, especially as it gets closer to  _ she's not thinking about that _ . Still, it's really a sight to see, one that makes Edelgard very, very beautiful as she thinks it does Lysithea- every stitchmark making tracks making patchwork of her, but here she is, surviving. It's hard to tear her mind away, much less her eyes. Her heart stays.

Rather than blurt out how beautiful she is, Annette asks "has Lysithea seen this? Yours are similar." 

Edelgard shakes her head, and Annette covers her mouth in blank shock. "I trust you," she admits. "Enough for this, which is… a lot. Lysithea… she doesn't need to see them to know it's there. Doesn't need to be reminded. She's seen up to my wrist and that's all she needs to know. To everyone else, I don't tell and certainly don't show. Even during…" She clears her throat. "Intimacy, I suppose you could say."

"Oh, that's… complicated," Annette says, flustered. She wants to ask  _ how do you  _ but this is super not the time.

"I apologize," Ede responds, slipping back in her shirt. "My point is, well… I'm often too scared to tell people what my life and body really was like. A piece of myself. But… after everything between us… I think I've given you the wrong impression. I wanted to… step down from the perches I rested upon." 

"You've done that a lot when you came back," Annette admits. "Good and bad."

"I'll take it, Ann." 

  
  


_ They never truly pursue a relationship. If they say they're dating, it's always "we're all dating", an easy catchall for their love of Lysithea. Yet Edelgard enjoys Annette. Is she loud? Disruptive? Eager to the point of folly? All three and more.  _

_ She is the definition of honesty, which should and does annoy Edelgard a lot, but she can't deny that it's thrilling as well. She can't deny that being around Annette is good for her involvement and activity in the camp, something she never considered too deeply. She expected to largely be alone or with other girls who will never know her too well or be able to. _

_ It's Annette that, Lysithea in tow, shows Edelgard around. It's Annette that gives her a friend to partake in camp activities with. It's Annette that really gives her purpose, a reason to exist here other than for Lysithea. When Lysithea isn't available or is trying to make new friends, Annette bursts at the opportunity to befriend Edelgard.  _

  
  


Annette warms up against her arms. She wonders what signal that sends. Feeling her, Ede feels tense… indecisive. That's not common for her. 

"I need to tell you something vital," she whispers in Annette's ear. Her voice is shaking, which gives her immediate pause. She keeps wanting to ring up _sorry, Ann's not here,_ especially when Ede says that in that way. 

"Something wrong?" Annette dares to ask.

"It's something." Ede takes a deep breath. Annette doesn't dare interrupt even when she has to take two more. 

"I'm going to give some of my immunity cells to Lysithea." 

Annette stiffens the hell up. Everything changes in an instant, and she can only blurt "wow". 

"There's a procedure that can be done where I give her a big dosage of my immune cells. It kills her own disease since my body made them toxic to the virus. And… she'll have numbers drastically up, so she can try and start over."

Annette can't speak. She can't even feel the joy that she should and will later. It's just… ludicrous and miraculous.

"Nets? Are you okay?"

That's when Annette starts to cry, so, you know, that's great. "I think, like… I'm processing. It's been such a struggle to accept one paradigm that the exact opposite…" She breathes out.

"Take your time," Ede responds, nose in Annette's shoulder.

"I just…" Annette sighs. "Look, it all makes no sense to me. It's just…" Well, she's choking up, and Edelgard probably knows it because her voice went up a pitch. She cries as quietly as she yells loudly. All of the decibels of sound could fit between that.

"I've tried for so long to cope with this," Annette whispers. "Lys… I love her. I love her more than anyone." Edelgard nods in agreement. That's really sweet. "I had to try with all my might to be… able to accept this. Put myself in an okay mindset because…" Annette holds her sleeves in front of her eyes as she takes deep breaths, mind holding up the words that she can't bring to her mouth unless they're pried out. When they are, they hurt. 

"I still can't stop thinking she's going to die yet," Annette weeps. "She'll die and I'd be alone again, but she's not, and…" Annette leans into Edelgard's hands on her neck. "Like, is it weird that I can't accept it yet? I feel horrible." 

"It's a shock. A reversal of fortune. It's okay to be shocked by this." 

"But… you!" she shrieks because, again, she yells loud. "You're gonna be sick too!" 

"No, I'm transplanting my immunity," Ede corrects. "The odds aren't great, I'll admit if you want the details, but only because they're not zero. Surgery complications aside, what's likely is that I face a battle with odds in my favor, and I take extra precautions to win. Lysie's fighting for her  _ life  _ all the time." Nearly begging: "This disease is about to ruin her immune system. Ruin  _ her _ . This is how we stop that." 

"Like, okay, okay," she says breathily. "I get what you're trying to do. And… honestly, it's sweet " Partially, she smiles, but she can't get it to her eyes. "Her hero as usual, huh Edelgard?" 

_ At the expense of so much sorrow. _

Something about that hits Edelgard a certain way judging by her loosened grip, sudden like a bullet. "I wasn't... I mean, I'm not trying to play hero. I'm doing this because…" 

  
  


_ Annette shows her the hiking trails, actually knowing about geology enough to be able to describe what they're seeing in detail. Annette practices soccer with her despite them being on opposite teams. Annette cheers for Ede whenever she gets a goal in practice  _ and _ games, a lot of her teammates giving her The Look.  _

_ Though they don't bunk together yet as Lysithea and Annette stayed together again and Edelgard is older than them, there are times where she and Annette will go out and talk about things in their life. Edelgard is vague but Annette gets into detail about when she realized she liked girls, the revolting things her father did when he found out, how she and Lys met and became so enamored with each other, to the point where when they met and Lysithea fell so hard for her…  _

_ That's something she and Edelgard have in common.  _

  
  


Edelgard has to take breaths before saying anything else like she's birthing a thought. Annette turns to face her and holds her hands tighter around her torso, rubbing just under her shoulders. 

"I just… hope you know what you're doing." 

Edelgard stiffens against her. "I… yeah, I remember. Not just… me. But…" 

Annette can't tell whether she meant to confess this or if it's an awkward attempt at a segue into a legitimate discussion, but whatever works works.

"There's something I haven't really gotten to," she starts. "When we talk. Like… I told you both about my siblings passing." 

Annette nods slowly. "I couldn't forget, sweetie."  _ It's part of you. I won't run from it.  _ "Is that why you wanted to protect her? Because you love her?"

Edelgard sighs, shrugging Annette's arms off and sitting up against the headboard. "You're too reverent of me, Ann. I just.. just couldn't do it again. I …" Annette looks at her face as well as she can. "I love her so much. She's a part of me. If she…" 

Edelgard is wiping her eyes or something and she looks intense, like her sinews feel like bungee cords. Every breath she takes is so ragged that it hurts  _ Annette. _

"Everything okay?" Annette asks limply.

"No." Ede has never said anything tenser. "Not at all. Ann…" She goes slack, starting to sniffle. Even though she's only five-two, she's usually the strongest woman in the room. Now, she feels like what's left of her.

Finally, she breathes, choked up "Ten." 

Annette can tell by the tone of Ede's voice that something has stabbed her in the heart. "Ede?" she asks.

"Ten siblings," Ede whispers, but Annette senses a bottle rocket in her chest shake up, affecting every muscle. Then she growls out "Ann, I had  _ ten  _ siblings.  _ Ten! _ "

  
  


_ Well, the two did really never date. Sincerely, at least. It was actually Lysithea that egged Edelgard on. When Annette would kiss her on the cheek, she made sure to say "you're good at that, Nettie." Sometimes when Edelgard would carry Lysithea after she exhausted herself, she would say "You're stronger than you look" then looking backwards where Annette was. When Annette was wearing her best sundress and it was clear that Edelgard stared a little too long, Lysithea would ask "She looks seriously hot, don't you think, El?"  _

_ Annette laughed about this later when they were alone in the shade of oak trees with fantastic leaves half of Lysithea's size. "She doesn't even care about hot, silly! Like, that's totally hinting at you. She wants you to kiss me!" _

_ It probably wasn't the smartest look to start off that conversation apologizing for Lysithea trying to get her to join in, even though Annette looks so sunny, so bright, so luminous, that any shadow in Edelgard's life is chased away for a while. So she hemmed and hawed, trying to pass off "I wasn't at all trying to come onto you in such a manner" while Annette literally laughed in her face. Edelgard knew that anyone else who laughed at her like that would get a stern yelling-at, but with Annette it was quite endearing because that's just how she was. A flirt, a joker, a lot of fun at little cost… _

_ In retrospect, it's all kind of funny. _

  
  


Annette's eyes widen. " _ Ten? How?! _ " Then, remembering that this is Edelgard's story, everything kind of stops after she puts things together. Unnerved by the ghost stories, she adds "Oh, Seiros, I'm so sorry, Ede. I can't believe-" 

"It was so horrible," Edelgard says in a sudden sob, like she can only be vulnerable in quick bits that don't inconvenience others. Then, she calms down inauthentically and Annette wishes she would just cry her sorrows out. "We all… it was genetic in my father. My father had so many lovers at once… I don't know why. He never explained anything. That's why I had so many siblings. And… we all got it from him genetically. He thought more of us would be immune because he overcame it. He called the loss of his children punishment from the Goddess…" She seethes. "And if it is, I don't care too much to meet her."

Annette looks at her, eyes set to bleed tears. "A-all of them, Ede?" 

Edelgard looks down. She swallows. Then nods with a choke.

Annette performs the world's saddest glomp onto Edelgard's torso. "Oh my God, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know…" 

Edelgard- strong, leader, otherworldly, takes Annette's hands in her lap like she would blow away without them. "I lost ten people to it, Nets. And then I lost more to other things, whether they stopped talking to me or passed away. And it  _ hurts,  _ every time, so fucking  _ bad… _ " 

Ede can't stop another sob. Annette just pats her back until she recovers enough to keep speaking. "Um. Okay. I mean, through every loss after theirs, I tried to calm down by remembering that…" She chuckles. "Well, this will sound cheesy, but-"

"It's okay," Annette blurts. "We, uh, need the laugh." 

Unfortunately, lightheartedness won't be her reaction as Edelgard indulges her with (teary, messy) laughter. "You're still alive. You and Lysie are both still alive, no matter who dies in my life. That's all I want. If I lost either of you, I would never recover." 

Annette thinks she might fall over. "You… what?"

Edelgard takes a deep breath, probably because she's shaking like a back massager. "I love the both of you. You're closer than family to me, and I have none of them left. I just-" she claps against her thigh. "I can't spend my whole life burying family. I… I want it different this time. I want the ones I love to go on living." 

Annette holds Ede's patchwork hand so she doesn't fall into pieces. "Even knowing what you'd risk?" 

Ede nods. Tears in her voice, she says "I can't do it again, Nets. I just can't." Annette hears the unspoken truth:  _ I'd rather die than lose you two.  _

Or she  _ hopes _ Ede means both women. Because the way she sees her now, Annette wants her to mean  _ both.  _

Someday. 

  
  


_ Annette put her face near Edelgard's, hands on her knees. "If you don't want to, you don't have to. But if you wanna take the chance…" _

_ She never finished her sentence, just gave Edelgard a look like  _ it's okay, sweetheart.  _ Then, Edelgard supposed that it  _ was  _ okay and kissed her. _

_ Lysithea was very happy. Edelgard almost convinced herself that was the most important thing. Besides, it was real. Edelgard quite liked Annette. She considered Annette a good friend who not only respected Edelgard's passion, but multiplied it. _

_ Was Edelgard ever in love with her? _

_ Hmm. _

  
  


Taking Ede's face into her hands, she kisses her on the nose and says "You're doing something amazing, Ede. But you  _ can't  _ get careless. The priority isn't only Lysithea, but you too. I… would bleed without you." 

"Does that mean you…" Ede stops as fast as she bursts forth with that idea. She looks ashamed of herself for being so base, but Annette was getting sick and tired of being the vulnerable one. 

She hugs Ede with soft devotion. "Please don't just… leave my life again. I was just getting used to the idea of being yours before it… it was gone." 

Ede sighs with disappointment. She can't take back the formative mistakes that left Annette looking both ways before crossing a one-way street, but the future is made to correct the past, isn't it? So Annette gives her a little love-squeeze, communicating that it's okay enough. 

And sometimes that's as okay as you can get.


	7. what do we make of this, I say, pretending there's no answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spicy, a little.

When Annette wakes up in the morning, the world is bright for the first time in weeks and it's only partially because she's in the arms of a lovely lady. It isn't because she left the curtain open. It's because it's the first day in months that she gets to wake up not anticipating the death of the one that she loves. It's no longer a certainty. That doesn't mean it's a zero, but as long as the numbers don't have three digits, she'll take two. A little desperate, but Annette can't  _ stand  _ when people just don't make anything out of what they have because it's not enough. 

She just can't do anything about it.

The woman who could and will is waking up next to her, stretching like she owns the bed. Her lethargic fist hits Annette with the force of a decorative pillow, making her giggle. Ede leans up with a shock at the sound. Seeing Annette there, all she says is  _ oh. _

Annette rolls her eyes. "Well, don't sound too excited." 

"I really wish you weren't here so I could wake up like an idiot without anyone watching," complains the woman who told Annette she loved her and she was closer than family in a tearful confession last night.

Annette just laughs and swats her with a pillow. "Not all of us can wake up like a fresh daisy, Edie. It's okay." 

A bit lost in memory still, Edie says "Edie. The opera girl used to call me that. Dorothea." 

"Did she now?" Annette settles back on the bed, turned towards Edie.

She shrugs so casually that Annette knows she's sleepy. "I like you better," she blurts. 

Annette giggles an "aww!" 

"A  _ lot _ better." 

Annette cackles that time. Edelgard tries not to cover her ears but her hands are close enough to them that she should have anyways. "Whoa, sorry, sorry," Ann giggles. 

Edelgard just sighs. "What  _ am  _ I going to do with you, little bird?" 

Annette covers her mouth because she's surprised at how raunchy her own internal answer is. And when she thinks about it, it's really unlike her. Still, the giggling diffuses any suspicion and even makes her look caddish, a little bit  _ haha just kidding! unless? _

And she  _ should  _ just be kidding,  _ where the fuck did this come from?  _ She has never thought this about either of them this  _ blatantly.  _ Annette's demisexual, which is basically a nice compact term for "asexual but not always" at least how she defines it. Lysithea's ace as can be, and she's not gonna make her do anything she doesn't want. She's not  _ him.  _

Edelgard, though… she  _ knows  _ she's gonna weigh it now. She hasn't really given serious consideration besides pretty, stately Edie being fun to kiss and hug and dance with and be a rebel with from time to time. And  _ this- _

Edelgard smiles. "I'll take it that you figured it out." 

_ This  _ is quite the interesting little revelation. 

"Edie, the last thing in the world I just did was figure that out."  _ And I promise it'll be awhile before I do,  _ she adds to herself. 

"Shame," she says, eyes twinkling. Annette lets the silence happen afterward. Now, though, it feels like the first time that Annette has noticed that they're sharing a bed. And, honestly, she's gonna enjoy it and try, try,  _ try  _ not to overthink them just being friendly. 

"So," she asks, "what's the itinerary?" 

Edelgard thinks next to her. Annette is literally just noticing how her muscles tense up when she thinks, like she's mid-stretch. "I would  _ like  _ to apologize to Lysithea," she admits, "but with the deadline to surgery being so close, I'd need to have her consent as soon as possible." 

Annette nods. "We  _ are  _ on a timer now. I'm just worried you'd overwhelm her." 

"Sadly, it doesn't look like we have much choice, time being as tight as it is. We should at least consult the doctors about it. See what that means for the plans of today." 

"We should probably get out of bed soon, too." 

Edelgard gives her a look that reads  _ geez, thanks genius _ both in an ironic and unironic way depending on how you look at it. 

"Just a hunch." 

Edelgard nods. "That is probably a good idea." 

"I think so, at least." 

Edelgard titters a little bit at the casual absurdity of it all. "Well," she says. "My clothes are in my suitcase. I shall get a piece of everything and be off to the showers."

"Sounds good," Annette responds. "I'll see what we have for breakfast. It'll be nice to make one." The last time she had a home made one (she uses homemade loosely; two pieces of toast and eggs isn't exactly Saghert and Cream) was when Lysithea was here. Company seems to be her motivator. "And we can pick it up from there." 

"Quite." 

The two look at each other pretending to be adults. Annette cracks first, falling over on the bed and laughing while Edie grabs her knees and chuckles more sensibly. 

"We almost look domestic," she comments. 

"I promise you that is  _ not  _ how I've been living." 

Both of them laugh again. Annette could live happily like this. 

In about a minute, Edelgard gets the clothes she desires from her suitcase and her towel. Then, she says "I will see you shortly, Nets." Annette beams until she adds "Don't get lost, okay?"

Exaggeratedly scowling, she says "I try not to get lost in my own house!" 

"And I'm sure you succeed some of the time." 

"I'll throw something at you if you don't fuck off!" 

Luckily, Edelgard's giggling as hard as Annette is. "I bid you adieu, my dear. Au revoir, aloha oe, and all of that."

"If you're gonna say goodbye so many ways why don't you try  _ doing  _ it in one?" 

Edelgard passes the bed with a laugh and walks out without a word. Annette watches her go with an exaggerated mad-dog look that quickly turns into a stunned reaction when she remembers, oh yeah, she took her pants off last night to sleep. So she's in her boxers. And also, Annette's pretty freakin' gay. She will own entirely that she watched that ass all the way to the cut through. 

Edie really has grown. 

She clears her throat and walks into the living room at high speed like maybe she can ditch the gay thoughts out of her head that way. Sitting on the rocker, she decides just to get the phone call on the road. After all, it's a pretty big deal. She's gonna be able to tell Lysithea that she's been saved! Probably! 

She dials in, a smile on her face.

It's gone about five minutes in.

"I understand," she sighs. "Just… tell her good luck, okay?" 

"I'll be sure to pass it along," the clerk says. "She will be able to talk later tonight over the phone; she just needs this infusion now." 

"Understood." Funny how Annette gets formal when angry. "Uhm, you take care, okay?" 

"You too, ma'am." 

When he hangs up, Annette gets the strangely annoying sense that he forgot her name. Then she realizes that she's just mad about not seeing Lys that day. When Annette was younger, she had a bad temper and worse habit of catastrophizing everything. Once that was pointed out and she noticed it, she's taken pains not to fall into that trap. 

It's just hard right now because  _ fucking fuckdamn fucking shitty fuck _ .

\---

Annette handed her the phone and told her "we can't see Lys today." Then she was off to make coffee, though Edelgard thinks that she could boil it by touch, so steaming mad is she. Edelgard tries to not too noticeably freeze up when she dials the hospital number, fudging the extensions by memory. Soon, she's on call with Lysithea's doctor, one Dr. Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, who feels the need to state his full name. 

"Charmed. I have a question for you. Why is Lysithea not open to visitors today?" 

"My, you waste no time!"

"Afraid not, Dr. Fraldarius." Generally if she leaves even a second behind, men have a habit of interjecting it with enough fluff for one to forget what they meant to say. Them, or Annette, but that's just because she gets nervous and rambles. 

"I believe you understand the situation, yes?" 

"Very well," she says haughtily. 

"Then I hope that you should be able to understand that after her wound, Patient Von Ordelia suffered a bout of sepsis."

"Sepsis?" she echoes.

" _ Sepsis?! _ " Annette yells, coffee pot in hand. With a hand on her heart to communicate no ill will, she looks at her and mouths  _ please.  _ Thankfully, that's all she needs to do before Annette nods, slowly setting the coffee pot onto the machine.

"It happens often with this patient," Dr. Fraldarius explains like her name isn't Lysithea, goddess damn it. "Since her immune system is jeopardized, the chemicals working to fight the wound meant to fight the infection are more intense than usual, therefore making the patient's symptoms more noticeable and something to be treated as soon as we can. Luckily, we've been able to treat it with ease, but even after the time we take to work on it, the patient-" 

"Lysithea," she says sternly. 

"Lysithea will be very exhausted. She might be up to call you in the evening, but as for now, we will need to work on her. Tomorrow, she may be more amenable to visitors." 

"Understood," she says. "I also would like to show up in person tomorrow to talk about… well, her treatment plan." 

There's some rustling of papers going around on the other end. "Ah, to talk about the patient's treatment plan and make changes to it, we will need Lysithea's listed caretaker to attend as well." 

"Annette Dominic?" she asks with a hint of desperation. She doesn't know who else it could be, so it had better be her and not some shitstain back where Lysithea used to live. Meanwhile, Annette points at herself and Edelgard shakes her head. Annette looks a little leery but as more papers rustle on the desk over the phone, Edelgard gestures at the counter area. Annette nods slowly and resumes work.

"Ah, yes. We do have one Annette Fantine Dominic as the patient's caretaker." Edelgard snorts at the whole name. How Annette of her; she likely put hearts over each I and ended it with exclamation marks. "A classmate of my child's, if memory serves." 

"Interesting," she drawls. If a classmate were to remember Annette, it likely would be for reasons more hostile than she deserves.

"As I was saying," Dr. Fraldarius continues. "If you bring her in, then you both can talk with me about it. Just keep in mind that any decision we come to will have to be approved by Miss Dominic." 

Why does Edelgard want to snort at the formal name for Annette? (Maybe because Annette's busy swearing while trying and failing to open a cereal bag.) "That sounds excellent, Doctor. Just when can we meet about it?" 

"I will be aiding the team off and on as we work on the patient. Tomorrow or the day after would work best. Say, evening time? Six at night?" 

"Yes, please. Tomorrow." 

"Excellent! I will meet you and Miss Dominic tomorrow at six. Is there anything else?" 

"That appears to be all, Dr. Fraldarius. Take care."

"You too." Then he hangs up abruptly. She doesn't even have time to think of what a jackass he was before Annette rips the bag wide open, shrieking. "Sorry!" she yells. 

Edelgard shakes her head with a smile. "Oh, Annette," she teases. "At least the majority landed on the counter." Without thinking about it, she picks up the stuff from the counter and pours it into a bowl. Annette crawls on the floor like a gremlin crab, picking up any pieces that dropped. Those go straight into the trash can, as well as the bowl Edie collected. "I could have eaten that," she grouses. 

"If I serve you spilled rice krispies at any point, leave." 

Edie snorts. She sees a rice piece on Annette's hair. With a smirk, she plucks it off. "Shit, what the-" She sees Edie munch on the single piece, looking right at her shock and awe (and, dare Edelgard say, turned on?) 

Once she gets herself together, she says "I'll remake breakfast." Walking before she remembers: "And then you can tell me about the phone call, okay?" 

Edelgard smiles. It was sure interesting. Yet even as she thinks, she realizes that they now have a free day. They have a free day, and Edelgard does a little bit of thinking. Perhaps today is the best day to enforce another part of her plan… and maybe, just to venture into a different life for a while.

When the two walk out of the house, it's with a destination in mind. Well, in Edie's mind. Annette pulls a little suitcase behind her, so she knows that where they're going is pretty far ("only an overnight trip, I promise," she had said, only for Annette to shake her head and tells her she should stop making every little thing a promise.) Since the two only took a bus home last night, Edie has money to spend on a cab. All they have to do is wait.

"So you just came up with whatever this is?" 

Edelgard lies and nods. 

"Indech shield us from the raw electricity of Edelgard's massive brain." 

Edelgard chuckles, but she'd laugh more if she were telling the truth.

Every day since she saw her again, Edelgard finds comfort in the little things that Annette does. She doesn't think that Annette notices her small, sneaky smile with how Annette throws open her apartment door like they're going on an adventure. Nor when she sits on her suitcase and holds out her hand as a visor, just somehow  _ having _ to be as vaudevillian as possible even out of the shadowed back of Shady Leaf Apartments. 

When Annette starts to sing, it's always unconscious. The dear does love to sing, true, but she doesn't love to know that she sings. Unfortunately for her, it is adorable to hear her singing a keyshifted version of Tom's Diner like it's a theatrical showstopper and not an altogether mild slam poem, especially when she shimmies atop her luggage. In some ways, she can't believe that Annette grew up at all, even though she obviously did. 

Annette seems to realize that Edelgard is still there at all when she starts to hum to the wordless chorus, preparing to give Annette a cheeky look when she peers over and gives a disrupted  _ bah!,  _ almost falling off her suitcase to Edelgard's eternal amusement.

She catches herself and says "Sorry, I  _ totally  _ forgot you were here, Edie."

"I didn't forget that you were," Edelgard shoots back with an entertained smirk. 

"Gah," she moans, holding her forehead. "Well, work on that, will you?" 

"I'll think about it," she lies, cheek in her eyes. Annette sighs again, outright yelling when Edelgard starts to whistle it, smiling at her while doing so. She giggles; if it weren't so easy to get one on Annette, she'd never understand its joys.

The taxi takes forever and a day to show up, to Edelgard's consternation. Thankfully, they can just  _ barely  _ fit their belongings in and pile in the backseat. 

"So, big shot," Annette asks teasingly. "Where are we off to?" 

Edelgard smiles. "I'm going to make that my little secret. It's about five hours away, Northeastern Adrestia." 

"That's interesting!" Annette says, and she's got the jitters to prove it. "And we'll be back in time for tomorrow?" 

"Very likely so," Edelgard says with a bemused smile. "It might take a bit of doing, but I'll do what I need to. I just, you know…" She clears her throat. Damn her blush. "I wanted to do something nice with you." 

"Aww, Edie," she squees, hugging her sideways in a surprise glomp. "That's seriously sweet." 

"Of course," a furiously blushing Edelgard says. Mercifully, Annette lets go before she goes into shock. 

"Can I make a confession?" she says, suddenly shy and guilty, like she stole the last cookie from the cookie jar but put it back. Edelgard nods, stroking her fingers. With a breath, she admits "I thought that you were just using my help to get to Lys. And I was gonna help, but…" 

She doesn't continue, and Edelgard feels very bad that she made Annette keep feeling like less. Not only that, but taking a day trip like this just for Annette feels self-indulgent for many reasons- and for once, she likes that.

"I truly apologize for leaving you with that fear, Annette," she says quietly. "I didn't intend to. Truth be told, I had this rolling in the back of my head for a while." Then after they exchange quiet smiles, she admits. "Well… more than rolling around."

Annette lies on her shoulder, kissing her cheek. "Hey now, I'm sure I'll have a good time after all." 

Edelgard tries not to visibly blush too much. She needs to be fully in control, not thinking of her joyful tears when it all comes together. Still, she allows herself "I hope so, Nets."

The taxi leaves the freeway on a ring road by Garreg Mach's city center. 

"I truly do."


	8. going their own ways until the paths intersect

_ This is a thing she does every month. The last thing it should be is unnerving. Yet, as Annette knocks on the door of the house she always does, her raps are shaky and she looks down until someone answers. _

_ "Ah. Annette."  _

_ Good thing she looks up because she has to look way up to see this giant of a dude. Dedue is six feet eight vertically and honestly probably two feet horizontally. Just a giant of a dude with a nice house and wonderful cooking ability.  _

_ Like it's instinct and she has to (she does) she hugs the life out of him, reaching up barely around his neck and ending up hanging on. Dedue is used to it, used to her, probably because he is incredibly sweet. "Dude!" is all she yells, accepting the soft embrace back.  _

_ "I'm glad to see you," he responds. Once he had explained that Duscurians are very blunt and to the point with emotionless voices probably because Annette really likes that. She literally cannot hide her emotions.  _

"Neither can we," he admitted once. "Lying is one of the only times our voices get tone in it." With a beleaguered sigh, he added "I try not to speak up in a game of Werewolf."

_ The two let go, probably because little womanlet Annette might accidentally swing off his neck and fall on her ass. "So!" she says, rubbing her hands together. "Who else is here?"  _

_ Dedue counts on his fingers. "Besides us two, there is Hapi."  _

_ "I'd kind of hoped!" If Dedue wasn't at home with his wife during their monthly gathering she'd be a little concerned. Out of all of the straight dudes she's met, Dedue is probably the nicest and most reverent of his sarcastic, cutting wife. Still, even the nicest people can fight.  _

_ "Also in attendance will eventually be Leonie, Marianne, Caspar, Linhardt, and Byleth. Hubert, Lorena, Byleth, Shamir, and-" his eyes seem to glow with anticipation of her reaction. "Our dear Mercie are already here." _

_ "Yes!" Her, Mercedes, and Dedue are the only three Blue Lions who attend here. Most of the Black Eagles attend except for the couple in Brigid and obviously The Missing. At various times, most of the Golden Deer show; Lysithea has even been to a few of them when she's been back in town. Even two of the dropouts, Yuri and Hapi herself, have been steadfast friends with them. In addition, the two other classes had more people participate that just don't go to meetings, somehow making Lorena the leader of the Golden Deer Outcast Division- a hilarious place to find someone like her.  _

_ As far as Blue Lions have gone, it's just been Dedue, Mercie, and Annette. No one else. Not the core. Not a single classmate. If it was a battle… well, Dedue could take out twenty of them, but thirty versus three is completely imbalanced. Really lonely too. The rebelling Lions had as many companions as Lysithea had girlfriends. No wonder they're inseparable.  _

_ Dedue ushers her in. "After you, my friend."  _

_ "Thank you, De-due," she rhymes, strolling in. _

Edelgard talks to the person at the car rental desk with small talk that feels beyond her, like she's dissociating and operating herself as a robot meant to be polite and charming. Annette is to the side, leafing through maps and pamphlets, and Edelgard can't help but smile at it, starting to get used to not being alone. In about five minutes, they're in a hybrid with plenty of legroom- not like the two shortest students of Black Eagles Class of 2014 need too much, but it  _ is  _ a long drive and Annette says she's prepared to sleep in a hotel. Hopefully she's fine sleeping in the same bed as Edelgard. It would save money and be overall pleasant. 

The city of Garreg Mach fades behind them. In front of them is the time-consuming drive to Gronder Field. They've got to take the highway along the Airmid River until the Myrddin Bridge, then head south. It's quite the drive, a drive that would have Annette's little junker on the side of the road five minutes out of town.

Annette's in charge of the music. "Though, if you would," Edelgard prior had asked "please refrain from any musicals." Annette sighed, but did as asked. The music feels strangely nostalgic from the days where Edelgard, the only one with a car, would pick Annette and Lysithea up from school. Time has gone by in the years since, and the songs that Annette has loved have changed, but they're of the same flavor- upbeat indie jams that are barely left of the dial, none more than ten years old. It is basically an easy-to-identify Spotify list, but it's still just like Annette to hear her picking songs she can sing along with, making Edie's heart flutter. There are a couple of times where she stops songs before they start, sheepishly saying that she'd rather not. More power to her.

About an hour in, the music becomes a backdrop for the two of them properly catching up. Edelgard keeps some stuff vague, mainly about buying the camp, but talks about letting go of the law office as the one living von Hresvelg and forging her own path. Annette says that it sounds amazing, but secretly Edelgard worries that her path might sound disappointing considering the potential she had shown. 

"Seriously," she says as they mark an hour on the same riverside highway. "Like, in between Garreg Mach and now, I mostly just did college stuff." With a sigh: "It was hard to get into a good medical school when anyone could look up that I got expelled from Garreg Mach, but… I found one. And since I couldn't get anywhere better with my academic record, I stayed there until, well…" She looks down. "Once Lysie came back… I guess she sort of became my world." 

Edelgard nods. "I understand that. She'll always be valuable to you, and you've got a big heart." 

"Wh- I- me?" Annette stumbles over a few syllables. "It wasn't anything special. It's just how I am. If I have a good enough reason, I'll do what I want."

"Mm." 

The drive is silent as Edelgard snakes aside the river, perfectly driving along the road. She remembers not driving publicly until she aced a lot of techniques not necessary to the test. She wanted to be absolutely perfect before she hit the road. That was her philosophy behind returning for Lysithea- dedicating time to make her body to be in the perfect shape for her- but now she's worried she got too cute. 

"Hey, Edie?" 

She almost doesn't hear Annette say anything from her haze, but when she does, she manages not to get scared witless, like Annette was in her head all along. "Mm?" 

"Do you, like… regret anything?" 

"I…"

Edie thinks. It doesn't take long to realize her answer; just a while to admit. Probably because it throws her leadership label into the dirt… but where has she led them except the dirt themselves?

"I do." 

Annette nods. "I get it. But I've tried to put a stop to it, I guess." 

Edie chuckles. "If you could teach me to do that, I'd be really grateful." 

"Okay, I. Uhm." 

_ Oh, Nets, I didn't intend to make you take that seriously!  _ Immediately, Edelgard is supremely guilty. "I think, like, I don't like regretting things. I just like to make the best of them, you know? I've got some dedicated friends from school who ended up with me, like Mercie and Dude. They showed me I'd be all right. That's why I still went to college." 

Edelgard nods with a smile. "That's a good mindset." Smile disappearing, she adds "I wish I could be the same way." 

"I mean, you kind of are." 

"How's…" Edelgard tries to think of a reason and comes up short. "How's that?"

Annette shrugs. "I mean, you're taking a risk for Lysithea even though there's a lot of bad blood between you. I think that's seeing a bad situation-" 

"That  _ I  _ made." 

Annette holds her finger in the air to stop Edie's interrupting. "Seeing  _ a bad situation we all were a part of  _ and deciding to fix things. Like, what if Lysithea accepts this but doesn't reconcile with you? Like, you do this but she doesn't wanna stay in your life?" 

Edelgard hasn't thought of this. Before, it was under the pretense that this was her way of reconciling. Not as a couple; she understands if she can't be trusted that way again. Just… as friends. Edelgard can't stomach the idea of making Lysithea swear fealty to her in exchange for her life. How cruel would that be? Trying too hard to force a bond is a mistake student Edelgard would make. That's why so many turned on her. 

Still, if this went through and Lysithea removed her from her life entirely, something too justifiable to be seen as cruel, then it would break her heart. Not only that, but after the transplant, Edelgard will have to take a lot of caution to not let illness slip past her shoddy immune system. It won't be easy, and she won't look forward to being alone again, especially since she's getting along with Annette in a new way. 

But if Lysithea were to never get any help… no. Edelgard would rather never be talked to again than watch Lysithea die over two months and go the rest of her life without her or Annette (after all, without Lysithea, what business would Annette have with Edelgard?) 

"Hey, Edie?"

Edelgard shakes out of a funk. "Damn it. I'm so sorry, Lysithea." She feels something hit wrong about it and looks to her right. There's  _ Annette,  _ concern and sympathy the sky in those lovely blue eyes. 

"Oh, of course," she says. "I'm an idiot."

"Edie," Annette whispers. "Edie, honey, are you okay?" 

She feels even worse inciting Annette's worry. "I am, I was just thinking of an answer. And the answer is that there's no easy answer. Not at all. But…" With a heavy sigh, she says. "I won't be able to live with myself if I don't do this for her. After all I messed up in her life, I want to make one thing better." 

The junction for the Great Bridge of Myrddin is up ahead, so Edelgard switches lanes. Annette clears her throat. "Look, Edie." Oh dear, that's not the sound of something good. "I'm really glad that you want to help Lysithea. She's… she's our girl. I know you love her, and I know she loves you too. Even now. I just…" She holds her head in her hands, shaking just so for Edelgard to notice. Has she made things worse? 

"I think you, like…" Annette chooses her words carefully. In all honesty, Edelgard isn't used to Annette doing that. "You seem to act like you leaving is what made her symptoms worse, and you shouldn't think like that."

"I definitely didn't mean to imply that," Edelgard says.  _ Stupid, stupid little girl!  _ She can't remember the last sentence she didn't create a faux pas with. "I just mean that if I hurt her so much, I should heal in its stead." 

"But, like, they're two different things," Annette insists in that bottle-rocket sort of body language where Edie can tell something's building up. "That's the thing. Like, you keep speaking like this is a price you have to pay. And I hate that. I hate that…" Her pause is noticeable. "My friend, someone I, like... appreciate, thinks she should have to risk her life as punishment, not out of will, and that's not, like, why you should." 

Edie grips the steering wheel and breathes before she snaps and inadvertently belittles her again. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. "Annette…" Breathe in, try not to cry, for the love of Sothis. "I understand. And I do not mean to imply that I'm doing this out of perceived payment for my flaws. I might be able to make them up. I might not. This is…" She sighs. "Think it silly or not, but… I can't let her die. It would…" 

"I know," Annette says. "After all you've been through, I get that. And I'd miss Lysithea too, of course." Looking out the window, she says "I was, like…  _ resigned  _ to losing her. But losing you would make me sad too, you know?" 

Edelgard nods. "I understand. And…" She clears her throat. "Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about, darling." 

Annette grins while blushing furiously red. "A-anytime, Edie-bean. I just wanted you to know, you know?" 

Edie nods with a smile. "Thank you." 

"Def, Edie."

As they arrive at the Great Bridge of Myrddin, Edelgard realizes that Annette has rarely, if ever, called her Edelgard since she started using Dorothea's old nickname for her. Dorothea… she's still a friend, squabble notwithstanding. Whenever she called her Edie, she always took it as Dorothea play-flirting often, trying to get a rise out of the stony bisexual girl leading the class. Which… yes, it always did. It made the nickname of Edie feel almost contraband, tied into misguided feelings for a friend. Yet it's not scared, and if it were, frankly Annette uses it a lot better, chipperly blasting it off so casually five times in a conversation. The way she says it is often so quick, so natural, whereas Dorothea wanted Edelgard to notice her. Yet if anything makes it feel sacred, even after a day, it's how Annette busted into its real estate and bought it out before Edie knew she was selling it. 

It takes them a couple minutes to cross the massive five-lane bridge, and Edelgard can see Airmid the City on the horizon. She looks over at Annie a few times. Not too long; taking her eyes off the road seems dangerous at all. Just long enough to appreciate the way the wind from the open window blows her orange hair around and onto the freckles lining her face. Or the way sunlight reflects off of her blue polyester coat and the chipped ruby nails from her hands holding it together. The way that she laughs, ringing and gleeful, when the wind blows her hair into her eyes. Her smile, eager, excitable, if not a little nervous. The unstoppable gleam in her cornflower blue eyes. The things that make Annette, the girl that she never gave her full heart to, so different, so grown, yet so similar in temperament to the sweetheart with loops in her hair and dirt on her knees.

Still just as lovely, too.

Annette meets her eyes, causing Edelgard to turn back to the road. Ann giggles, but says no more, yet all the things unsettled between them could fill the campgrounds before they walk through them. 

_ The Molinaro house is not that big. It has a decently sized if not… snug… living room, bordered by dueling loveseats and a clear coffee table on one side, and a disheveled sectional on the other. They don't have a TV, but they do have a decent amount of bookshelves and chairs since, you know, there are eighteen members of the little club thing they've got going on. The kitchen is a wide pocket directly on the other side as she enters, and she sees the path to the bathroom as the living room curves.  _

_ Maybe it's not that big, or maybe there's just a lot of people. Still, there's Hapi and Lorena on one side, Hapi wearing her favorite waist-high white jacket and Lorena operating simply under a blue blouse and a flowy, simple skirt. Neither say hi to her, but neither is the type to.  _

_ On the couch ninety degrees from the first can be found another couple: Hubert, subdued to a point when Mercie holds him. (To be fair, so is Annie.) A study in contrast, Hubert wears his messy hair in a sidehawk down the middle of his face and is adorned in a black tile suit jacket and very unnecessary green-lensed shades. Theatrical to the end, that Hubert. It's a good thing he has Mercedes to balance him out with her casual turtleneck t-shirt with purple stripes and gently tossed blonde hair resting on her shoulders. She looks divine and probably didn't have to try.  _

_ "Mercie!" Annette almost sprints to the girl who's been one of her closest friends since she was their camp guide thirteen years ago. Mercie smiles at her, beckoning her into a hug. Annette almost runs blindly into it, but stops herself for a moment to ask "can I borrow her, Hube?"  _

_ Hubert smirks. "As though you need or would rely on my permission," he says with exhausted fondness.  _

_ "It's a nice courtesy!" she insists before going in for that hug with Mercedes. The older woman sighs, holding the back of her head. She's so sweet and calming with her touch, and Annette is so touch-starved that she cannot see straight sometimes. _

_ (Hopefully when Edelgard visits she can help.) _

_ "It's so lovely to see you, Annie," Mercie breathes into her neck.  _

_ "Aww, you too, Mercie. I, uh, sorry I shut your husband out "  _

_ Mercie giggles. "I'm sure he'll be fine." _

_ "I am sure that I will be fine as well."  _

_ Annette giggles while Hubert slouches back with a smirk. Mercie looks at her with a smile and pats a space next to her. "Would you like to take a seat?"  _

_ "Sure, but I'm gonna help Dedue make dinner in a bit, okay?"  _

_ Hapi shrugs. "Better than me."  _

_ Annette snorts laughing, nearly falling backwards. Lorena turns around next to her with a sharp glare. Dramatic to the end. "Quite, because as we all know, it would be such a drag were you to go into the kitchen to help your  _ partner _." _

_ "Hey, Babygirl, it's all good," Hapi responds to everything but Lorena's venom. "It's cuffing season, you'll find a fun girlfriend, you'll get laid, you won't be such a grouchy girl, all right?"  _

_ Lorena's smile is halfway between fuck-you and impressed. With a beleaguered sigh: "I may genuinely murder you thrice over to make sure the deed is successful."  _

_ "Shamir is starting prep," a familiar frank voice says. Hapi turns as if magnetically compelled and the others also regard Dedue with a smile, Annette and Mercie wider than them all.  _

_ "Hey, babe," Hapi greets him absently. "Decided to show your sexy ass up, huh?"  _

_ Dedue chuckles to himself, kissing her for a brief moment. Annette's always amazed that Hapi doesn't give a fuck about who sees her seizing her prey and capturing him with her tongue. It's kind of awesome, admittedly. Ten extra points for doing so while sitting next to Lorena, who sighs dramatically.  _

_ Hapi releases him. "Cuffing season," she whispers slowly. Lorena flips her off. They're definitely best friends.  _

_ "Hapi will never attempt to make another meal for a lot of us," Dedue continues. "Repairs were expensive."  _

_ "You're asking me not to work," Hapi says with a shrug. "I'm not going to complain."  _

_ "I'm  _ telling  _ you not to work."  _

_ Again, Annette giggles, though that might be just because she's endeared. Dedue and Hapi never say  _ I love you  _ around others (which Annette always says with Lysithea). Still, their love is the clearest of the couples that tend to show up at their home.  _

_ Shamir pokes her head in from the kitchen. "Getting started on prep. Shouldn't take too long so you can relax." She glances at Hubert and then Lorena. "Those of you who  _ can,  _ anyway."  _

_ Annette will never not think it strange that two of her former teachers are just… regulars here, one of them. Dedue says "I will be in there when you call on me." Shamir nods with a faint smile, disappearing. Annette is this close to calling out  _ Thank You, Miss Nevrand!  _ but luckily, her mind behaves, accepting the order. _

_ Lorena watches her disappear with a dropped jaw before turning away, head shaking in disappointment. Then, as if remembering, he leans up, looking at Annette. "I'm understanding that Lysithea couldn't make it tonight?"  _

_ Annette shakes her head. "Under the weather," she clarifies. "Just exhaustion and a little cold, but she doesn't wanna risk it."  _

_ "That's fair," Lorena responds. She's always been very kind to Lysithea, even through her bluster.  _

_ "I  _ did  _ offer to stay behind with her!" Annette insists for some reason. "But she really wanted me to go. Like, I think she told me if I didn't go here and enjoy your company, she'd smother me in my sleep." She giggles at the memory. Thirteen years later, Lysithea was still as dramatic as ever. _

_ "So having a normal one, I suppose?" Lorena asks. Now graduated to cackling, Annette nods.  _

_ Hapi whistles. "Okaaaaay, then."  _

_ Hubert smirks. "A woman after my own heart."  _

_ Mercedes giggles. "Dear, I think you have a type." Annette agrees if that type is cute girls who can and would murder him if needed.  _

_ With a scoff: "Oh, hush up. My dominant memory of Lysithea is of a child who barely came up to my breast." _

_ "That's everyone to The Dude," Hapi points out. Dedue nods, and Annette giggles again. That's what she likes about this group- even when they address things that should make her troubled, they manage to make her laugh.  _

_ There's a group of about sixteen of the rebels that have met up regularly over the five years since they were dumped by Garreg Mach. Some- Ignatz, Bernadetta, Raphael, Yuri- will not be here tonight. They're still waiting on two couples and the Black Eagles Teacher, Byleth. Still, it wouldn't be remiss to say that these seven- the early birds who get here hours before everyone- are the heart and soul of this group.  _

_ The Lions are largely to thank for that, but sadly Annette can't even take credit for it. Dedue and Mercedes both brought their spouses into the group they had. Shamir, now one of Dedue's friends, and the ever-dedicated Lorena made up the rest of them.  _

_ Even when she returned, Lysie couldn't go with her enough to establish a rapport with the core. Even when she did, she couldn't really do more than lie on a loveseat and talk to kind passersby. It was clear that they loved her, but Lysithea still could only do so much. Annette had to establish the dynamic with the four extracurriculars, which she did because that's just who she is. She's social. _

_ The days of rebellion are passed, and she's so lucky that nothing happened to shake them up afterwards. Maybe they've been through enough. Maybe they're good legitimate people. Maybe they just lost the one person who  _ would  _ consider turning this place into a warzone if she was faced with inferior alternatives. _

_ She misses Edelgard badly.  _

_ Even if it's for the best that she's gone, even if Edie asked for it, Annette will always regret letting her go. _


	9. sooner or later, you're gonna fuck this up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to more Conversations: the story

Annette's okay with it. Really. She mentally carved a space in time for it to happen, so she's not too upset that they're gonna have to stay for a couple of days and not just one. Once they left Garreg Mach at noon, Annette mentally made plans to stay. It's a teensy bit  _ extremely  _ nervewracking to be five hours away from Lysithea, but it's not like they could do much anyways. It would just… feel nicer, probably. 

Edelgard, however, is incredibly disappointed in herself. Herself, never Annette, who could have told her to save the trip for later. It endears Annette as much as it frustrates her. Edelgard is always so genuine that she'd try to crawl her way across broken glass for Lysithea, and she'd always hate herself if she only crawled a few miles. That ridiculous extreme is hard to pull her out of. Annette's only one woman. Probably the most stable of the three, true, but that's like making honor roll in a homeschool. That's not really a sizable margin to count from and either way it still hurts seeing Lysithea taken apart by this illness, and it's eating her alive seeing how willing Edelgard is to throw herself off the cliff in Lysithea's place. 

Annette just isn't sure what she can do. 

If she can do anything at all.

She sees Edelgard- the natural center of orbit for her gaze- try her very hardest to settle down in their hotel room just outside Gronder, criss-cross on the near side bed like she's meditating and not fighting a panic attack. The lack of ability to do anything about everything spiraling around her very young and naive life at an accelerated pace is really wearing on Annette. Things happen  _ to  _ her. She can't remember the last time she did something by herself that wasn't for college. 

She sighs. On edge, Edelgard asks "is everything okay?" Annette nods stiffly, kind of fucking tired of the live wire bomb shaped like a lovely human being. Edelgard nods reluctantly but doesn't seem to believe her, only remaining silent because Annette really needs a bit of damn peace and quiet. 

So props to her for guessing that.

Annette looks at the bed she's on, how she lies atop of the thin burgundy blankets. She still has her shoes on.  _ Oh, it's that kind of Edie.  _ She can almost see the tension wires that Edie is tangled up in, begging to fray and snap.

So she figures she should at least distract her while she can. 

Annette looks over the far side of the bed. Her purse is there on the shag emerald carpet, just in front of the radiator. She ducks to get it and fishes around for her wallet, which would be easier if ducking hadn't thrown her hair all around her face. Still, she does, eventually finding the gold bills she was looking for. Brushing her hair out of her face like she needs to look pretty for  _ this  _ or something, she crosses between beds and- softly- holds Edelgard's sweater-clad shoulder. Edie doesn't notice at first until, with maximum sweetness, she says "Hey, Edie." 

Edie turns towards her, smiling just a tad. "Hey, Nets. Do you need something?" 

Annette shrugs. "I guess kinda? I, uh, wanted you to take this-" she drops a fifty in her hand. "And, like- there's a grocery store nearby, I'd assume. If you can get us some dinner and stuff for tomorrow, I'd appreciate it." 

Edelgard holds the bill like it's going to bite her hand off. "Are you sure? I can cover it if needed." 

"Don't be difficult, Edie," she warns all sing-song, causing Edelgard to snort. "We're on this misguided adventure together. You've already covered everything else like a good little rich kid, so I'll take at least this, okay?"

Edelgard puts her hands up, amused and also… is Annette making it up or are Edie's eyes a little smoky? Damn. "I concede," she says. "Thank you, Annette. I will hopefully be back soon." 

"Thanks, hon!" Annette says. As if on a dare, she pecks Edelgard on the cheek, much to her shock. She places her hand on her cheek, a little gobsmacked, and Annette's a little charmed to see the one non-virgin of the group act like she's never been kissed before.

Or maybe she forgot how soft kisses felt. 

Completely out of coherent words, Edelgard starts to walk out of the little motel room. It's not until the door opens until she says "Oh! Uh, thank you, Annette. You, uh… relax" and closes the door so Annette can have a cute little laugh at this girl she's actually falling for a little bit. A lot of a bit. Fully. Like, it was probably building up when they pseudo-dated before, and her return is causing a cascade of those feelings. Doesn't help how she still does cute things like go from the friggin' group general to a flustered mess when she gets one (1) cheek kiss.

She lies back, feet up, jacket and pants splayed everywhere. She'll take them off later, but oh dear Cethleann, she didn't know just sitting up in a car for five hours would be so exhausting. How is she ever going to work a damn job anywhere? 

Well, at the very least, she'll get done what she can do while lying down and looking at the ceiling. She calls the car rental place, talking about renewing the car they're renting. It's a little extra cash, but Edelgard already gave her card info to them, so they work it out. 

Dedue doesn't like phone calls (he's only recently graduated to Zoom) so the second call would be Mercie, but Annette just  _ knows  _ how she is. She talks a lot, and as much as Annie is interested, she's gotta try and make one call while Edelgard is gone and can't interrupt it.

She rings up a familiar number and all the extensions that the robotic operator requires. Finally, she gets to a human being.

"Isolation, this is Gemma, how can I help you?"

Annette smiles, pumping her fist. "Uh, hiya! Can you transfer me to a room up there?" 

"Alrighty, who do you wanna talk to?" 

"Uhm, her name's Lysithea von Ordelia." Annette always gets nervous at these points. Maybe irrationally, maybe not, she's already afraid that she's gotten in just after she's been rushed down to the E.R. for a series of different things she doesn't think even  _ happens  _ with Nabatean's. She just can't help it. 

"She's up here," Gemma says. "Want me to transfer you over?"

Annette pumps her fist. "Yes! Thank you, Gemma!"

Gemma laughs at her enthusiasm. "No problem, darling. You have a good evening." 

"Thanks! You too!" she squeezes out before she hears the telltale click indicating the transfer. Annette hardly has time for a thought before the other end picks up.

"Who is this?" asks a certain blunt, tired voice. 

"Lys!" 

"Oh! Nettie!" 

Annette makes a kissing noise into the phone, hearing Lysithea distantly giggle. Putting the phone back to her ear, she says "It's so good to hear your voice!" 

Lys giggles again. "You're sweet, baby." 

Annette blushes. It's amazing how, literally without fail, Lysithea's presence makes her day better. Edelgard is sweet, and being with her is rewarding, but it's tricky. Lys is easy. She's, like, part of Annette's soul.

"I'm gonna tell you just a few things, lovey, okay?"

"Mmhmm. I'm feeling real sleepy so I'm okay with that. Doctors tested me all day and I feel like a pincushion." 

"Ow, that sucks." 

"It does. Or maybe I'm like a deflated sex doll." 

Annette blushes. "I'm gonna just leave that there and not guess."

"Prob for the best. You wouldn't believe all the shit they put in me." 

"Is that still part of the innuendo or?" Annette snickers. 

"I'll let you figure that out." 

Annette cackles instead, nearly falling off of the bed. "God, it's so good to hear your voice Lysithea."

Lysithea coos. "Oh, likewise, Nettie." 

Annette giggles. She really wishes she were cuddling Lys right now, in their own bed, and she wasn't just calling from like three hundred miles away, thankful that this hotel has a good signal. _ But sometimes you just have to do things for  _ you, she supposes.

"So, like, the first thing is that we probably won't be able to make it tomorrow," she says.

Lys sounds disappointed but says "I understand. What's got you two?"

"Well, we're a ways away on, like, an impromptu trip. Right now we're in Gronder. I don't even know where we're going, but we can definitely visit the day after." With a giggle: "I think Edelgard would run back there if the rental broke down." 

"You… think so?" Lysithea sounds hesitant.

"Yeah, like…" Annette sighs. This was the crux of the call. Pressure's on. "We got into it after we left but I think I put a stop to it." By having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the snow, but whatever, it worked, didn't it? "She told me a little more of her honest feelings. She  _ really  _ feels bad about leaving and about fighting with you." 

"That's… not the indication she gave off when we talked." 

Another sigh. "Yep, uhm. Color me not surprised. I ain't like a super experienced Edelgard reader so, like, she  _ really  _ could be better at showing her feelings, thank you very much-" Lysithea snickers. Good. "But like, after our own fight she's shown… amazing resolve and care towards you. Like, it was keeping her up that night knowing she might have lost you." 

"That's…" Lys is suspiciously quiet. "Not what I expected. I, like… after how she acted on our visit, I thought she hated me or she, like, finally saw me." 

"What do you mean?"

Lys sighs. "I dunno. Just as this mean, argumentative, hateful little girl." 

Annette shakes her head as if Lysithea could see it. "No, trust me, she honest-to-Gods regrets it. Like…" 

She sighs. She's not the one fit to break the news. She hardly knows what everything is. But, you know… it's the best poor Lys has. 

"I'm going off memory, so if this sucks, don't be surprised." 

"O...kay." 

Annette clears her throat. "How much do you know about why Edie's back in town?" 

"Edie, huh?" 

"She felt like an Edie, okay? Just answer the question!" 

Lysithea laughs as she often does when she riles Nettie up, intentional or not. Annette sighs but, in truth, she'd fall flat on her face to hear that laugh. "Okay, okay," she says. "I, uh, know she's back in town to try and mend fences. Not  _ well,  _ mind, but she  _ is  _ trying." 

"I mean, that too maybe."

"That  _ too? _ " 

"Yeah, like…" Annette thinks about how she's gonna break this until she decides not to think. "How much do you know about Nabatean's?"

Lysithea talks with the slowness of someone suspicious. "A ton about the effects on one person who has it."

"How about the effects that it has if you survive it?" 

Lysithea sighs. Then she sighs again. In a quiet voice, she says "Nettie… you know I haven't really ever had to."

Annette swallows. Even if things  _ are  _ getting better for her, it's still hard to face that. "Lys, I wanna just… tell you that I learned that if someone has had Nabatean's before, they can donate a lot of immune cells  _ somehow,  _ I don't know how, and if they do that, it reduces your odds of dying from it." 

"Oh, I did read up on that," Lys realizes.

"Oh, good! So, like, if we can do that soon, we're good."

Lysithea snorts. "At this point they'd need to-  _ no. _ " 

Annette expected to hear a lot of things, but none of them would ever have been that. "Lys? B-baby?" 

"I can't do this to her," she says. She sounds like she's crying. "I'm so far along, I'm just-"

"I don't want her to get sick either," Annette argues. "But she's weighed the risks, and I'm gonna trust her. If anyone could live right, it's Edie." 

"How can you be so fucking  _ casual,  _ honey?" Lysithea's sudden chastisement throws Annette off guard. "Sure, she made the choice, but did she actually tell you about the risks?" 

"Kind of?" Annette shrugs. "I was able to infer that she'd be vulnerable again. Could catch it again."

" _ Annette. _ " 

Her heart nearly stops. Lysithea sounds like she could cry. It's rare that she ever sounds weak. Annette wants to say words but can't. 

"Annette, on a patient with decent enough health, the risk factor for death is around fifteen to twenty percent from recurring the disease."

Annette bows her head. "Yeah, I expected that a decent bit." Then she jerks up. "Wait, you said  _ decent  _ health." 

"And with how far along I am, there's not only no guarantee that I'll survive anything, but her risk rate of not lasting five years is almost  _ fifty. _ " 

" _ Fifty?! _ " 

Annette feels her stomach open up a pit for all her insides to fall out of. Hell, she has to put her phone on speaker and hold herself to not go shaking off the rails.

"Yes. Like, some of the percentage comes from how losing that many immune cells could lead to a resurgence that kills her in years. But she could die on the operating table! And if that happens, my only chance is that the blood already prepared for me works. Otherwise, we both die."

_ They both die. _

That is not a possibility that she expected. She could choke on her own spit. She expected Edelgard to be in danger of recurrence. She didn't know she had half a chance of dying young. Edelgard didn't tell her. Of  _ course  _ she didn't tell her. It's not like she's her equal. It's not like she matters as much as Lysithea. It's not like Edelgard loves her back. 

"Lys, I…" 

It's silent for five second.

"I'm really sorry, Lys, I just need to go. I'm just..." She starts to sob. "Like, this really fucked me up." 

"I'm so sorry," Lysithea says.

"No, you weren't the idiot. It's okay." 

"I didn't mean to do this, love."

"It's… I needed to hear it. I just gotta, like… dissect how I feel about this." 

"I… I understand," she responds, voice shaky. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I understand." 

"I really do love you, Lysiboo," Annette cries. "Please believe me! I just think I'm going to-" 

"I  _ do  _ believe you, honey! I'm so sorry. I didn't know you…" Lysithea stops as fast as she starts. "I'll let you cool off. C-call me tomorrow, okay?" 

"Definitely. Uh, love you." 

"Love you  _ so  _ much, Nettie." 

Annette has to hang up in less than a second to collapse into a heap and cry. What is  _ wrong  _ with Edie in that she always feels a need to act off the cuff like her actions don't have an effect on others? 

What is wrong with  _ Annette  _ that she always believes it? Has to be babied? Can't be trusted to deal with anything? Does she just want to love Edelgard without fear?

Annette's tears dry up. All of her sorrow runs hiding away from whatever is appearing in the fog over her heart. She's worse than she's ever been but can't convince herself that her worst isn't what Edelgard deserves.

She opens the door, walks out, and walks away from the hotel.


	10. martyrs made and memories lost

_ Edelgard has just been stung.  _

_ That's what it looks like when she walks onto the shoreline. For eighteen, she's never looked more immature. Lysithea has the good goddamn sense not to tease her for it. A petulantly angry Edelgard is a rare sight. Lysithea gets up from her bench and follows her along the line where the trees meet the sand. Edelgard looks back and realizes that Lysithea is there, to her shock. She decides to sit where she stands, though it's more of a fall compared to her usual poise. _

_ "E-edie?"  _

_ "I'm fine!" she lies. Because come on, everyone could tell. Still, she dusts off her skirt and says "Yeah, everything's okay."  _

_ Wordlessly, Lysithea flops next to her and hugs her from the side. Edelgard accepts it, slacking just a touch as the younger girl embraces her. "I apologize for the scare you went through."  _

_ "Yeah, I'm trying to comfort you because I'm traumatized," Lysithea snaps. "You're unhappy about a lot of things."  _

_ Edelgard holds her head down, ashamed of being hurt. Lysithea sighs. That's how this girl is. Self-sacrificing, self-loathing, and very closeted in her feelings if  _ literally nothing else. 

_ "You can tell me anything, remember?"  _

_ No response. _

_ "You have." _

_ "I have."  _

_ "And you can again."  _

_ Edelgard swallows so hard Lysie feels it. Oh, gods, she got hit hard, didn't she? Running a hand through Lysithea's hair seems like something that helps Edelgard. Lysithea loves that, being good for someone else. Being touched and not avoided.  _

_ "I was not aware of how deep the faith of Seiros went." With a haughty sniff: "Father was very casual in his belief, then when everyone… died, he blamed Sothis and lost the faith. By the time I joined here, I was out of it altogether."  _

_ Lysithea nods. "Does that make it feel weird here?"  _

_ "It  _ shouldn't,  _ because my father was told that while Garreg Mach was once a monastery, it was a rather faith-free school, so no one had to feel pressured to live by it. Right?" _

_ Lysithea hesitates when she nods. "I feel like you're going to tell me something else."  _

_ Edelgard pinches the bridge of her nose. Sighs apologetically. Then, looks at Lysithea in the eyes. Lysithea loved that. Edelgard was the only person older than her who did that constantly. It made her feel more like an equal.  _

_ "One of the deans caught Annette and I in the middle of a kiss," she explains. _

_ "Huh." Lysithea always gets a flutter whenever Edelgard mentions being romantic or physical with Lysithea's other girlfriend. Still, she doubts it will end well. _

_ "Just a small innocent kiss in the hallway, to say good luck at class." With flushed skin: "we've tried to be a little more intimate lately."  _

_ Lysithea smiles. "That's sweet of you two." Realistically, they probably will never get much further, but Lysithea's happy for them anyways.  _

_ "Unfortunately, after class a dean pulled me to his office, and…" she sighs. "I really…" She sighs again. Her voice is near cracking. "I  _ know  _ there's nothing wrong with me. With Ann. With you. I just…"  _

_ Even though she's only sixteen, Lysithea is  _ very  _ smart, thank you, and deduces what's wrong from the clues she dropped. "They  _ didn't.  _ No  _ way." 

_ Edelgard nods solemnly.  _

_ "Damn it. I'm so sorry, Edel."  _

_ She dries her eyes but tears sting her voice. In the two years they've known each other, she's never been so hurt. "All they had to do was tell us not to spread PDA. That's all. But no, they had to fucking… install the fear of Sothis into me. A bunch of  _ dickless  _ men standing around telling me why me kissing a girl would send me to the eternal flames."  _

_ Lysithea hugs her before she continues. She's not strong enough to hear it emotionally. No one has ever cared that she's gay, but that's only because until her two amazing girlfriends came along, no one has ever cared about her at all. _

_ "I know they're wrong," she breathes. "But they're gonna be watching us so closely now. About things that are  _ none  _ of their business. And if one thing happens, they could cut me so quickly. And that can't happen, Lys, that  _ can't- _ "  _

_ Lysithea squeezes Edel in her hug. To hear her cry… it's pain she can't describe. Can't fathom. Not because it's harsh, but because it was from her.  _ No one could hurt Edelgard _ , she thought. Now that she knows that she's wrong, she can correct that.  _

_ She kisses Edelgard's head. "I don't know what will happen with them. Or these bullshit rules. Or us. You probably know this already, but like… I love you, you know?"  _

_ Edelgard nods. Not how confessions towards her usually went, Lysithea would imagine, but what works works. "I do, love. You know I love you. I love you so much, Lysithea."  _

_ Lysithea nods, tightening the embrace between them. "I love you, I love Annette, and…" Probably would be unwanted to say anything about Annette's bond with Edelgard. "And I think it's beautiful, you know? This love between three girls, from the three corners of Fodlan, two who shouldn't be here..."  _

_ Lysithea places her hand on Edelgard's. She rolls her sleeve up and looks expectantly at her girlfriend. It takes a second to register, but she nods sharply like a soldier about to salute. She looks around- Lysithea knows that there's no one there- and carefully unravels her sleeve until she reaches the first scar on her wrist. Lysithea puts their hands together, skin on skin, heat on heat, stitch on stitch. There's an otherworldly element to it, like they're the only two that know. _

_ "That should be as inspiring to anyone as some old religious story."  _

_ Edelgard kisses the top of Lysithea's head as she gets the message. She tries to play it cool but Lysithea can feel light tears touch her scalp in the softest of requests. But that's okay. She loves Edelgard, more than priests love talking about Sothis, more than church salesmen love pawning off poorly translated bibles to newcomers, more than the Archduke loves her own reflection. With everything so hollow and temporary around them, it would make sense if they didn't love each other so much. _

_ They defy God, religion, and man, because they do. _

\-----

Edelgard misses the call because it happens as she's hauling two grocery bags back to the car. Seeing the missed call notification, she waits two minutes for a voicemail before she considers it a spam call and leaves. When a voicemail appears, she climbs into the driver seat of the car. 

Her blood runs cold when she hears the voice. 

_ Hey, this is Lysithea. Uhm… what the fuck, El? Like… Annette told me, so if you were hoping to keep it a secret, well…  _ She laughs sarcastically.  _ Look, whatever's between us is between us, but the fact that you're involving Annette…  _ She sighs.  _ No, I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with how you conveniently left out that you and I both have a high chance to die with this procedure. She  _ freaked _ out, El. She freaked out because she loves you and you never told her.  _

Edelgard hangs up as she realizes a little too late that Lysithea is right and wrong at the same time. She's right about how Edelgard fucked up, but wrong about why. She hates how she's come across as manipulative lately because of her idiotic mistakes. 

She places the phone in the center cupholder and starts to drive away. Maybe a little too fast, but it's a highway, it's nearly empty, and determination (panic) makes her a better driver. She just has to get back. 

She verbally instructs her phone to call Lysithea, but no one picks up. Growling, she lets it go to voicemail and starts babbling away. 

"Lysithea, it was an accident. I didn't intentionally hide it from her. I got distracted. I fucked up, but that's the goddess' honest truth. I was-" She sobs abruptly. "Goddamn it! I'm not doing this on purpose. I really am not. Like, the conversation turned early on to my siblings. I told you about them. Never Ann. It… hurts so much, Lysie. I never think straight when talking about them but I was in no way hiding the mortality rate. Please believe me. I'm not  _ manipulative,  _ gods damn it! I'd never hide my struggles from her. She's emotionally intelligent, far beyond the two of us. I'm not mad that she told you. I'm, ah, willing to risk it. I don't want you to die, Lysie. Ah, sorry I can't say more. Lo… Agh. Google, hang up." 

Edelgard slams the steering wheel in rage, accidentally honking. "Fuck!" she screams, her voice breaking. She can't bother feeling bad for anyone who heard the horn because she's so disgusted, so  _ angry,  _ that she fucked up that it consumes her mind. 

Before she can decide in a panic to call Annette, she gets to the hotel. She snags the keys violently from the ignition and fishes her key card out of the pocket. It takes her far longer than normal; the cruel irony of rushing. She finally gets in and realizes that it's empty. She looks out the back window, in the tub, under the fucking bed, then slumps down against a wood-paneled wall. 

And then she's on the edge of a wheatfield with Annette. 

Annette is wearing the same things as she was when Edelgard left. She's sitting by some of the wheat that, by the looks of it, is entirely untamed. Edelgard is standing up with plant debris all over her pants, and the first thing she thinks is  _ oh, damn, did I put the food away?  _

Then the second is  _ oh my God. Annie. _

The third is  _ am I crying?  _

The thoughts after that are the normal sort of reorienting questions she always asks herself after an event. They've been common since the first one happened on the day they confronted Garreg Mach. She looks around at where they are without much luck. The moon is high in the sky and snowflakes speckle the dirt. Ah, yes, because it's winter and they're out of town. And, goddess cut her head off like she should have ages ago, she's very cold. She must not have her jacket. 

That's about as far as she can get alone. Annette is out here in this countryside during an early winter night in some wheat field, and for some reason she's very ashamed of herself. Oh? That part she  _ didn't  _ know before, but Annette isn't facing her and Edelgard can just feel a distant understanding. Maybe it explains the tears in her eyes? The plant stains on her pants don't look like wheat; they're very green. She has nothing else to go off of right now. 

Annette turns around. Her shaky smile is worse than an outright frown. "You okay, Edie?" 

Edie isn't, but her immediate thought is  _ I should nod. I should nod and not trouble her further. (Further?) _ It's a directive she has to restrain herself from making, forcing a shake of the head out of defiance. Then, to make sure her message got across, she says "I am not." 

Annette just nods, patting the dirt next to her. Edelgard obeys without a second thought, even though something in her says that Annette has the right to deck her back to Garreg Mach. (Yes, again, we must have come from there.) Annette's presence next to her is warm and Edelgard loves her, the same as she has for several years now. 

She remembers her heart getting a little boost every time Annette would respond happily to one of Edelgard's updates. She assumed it was centered on relief that she didn't hate her for all of her failures, but it grew from precocious to serious over time because Edelgard, former law firm inheritant, is instead doing something different, and Lysithea was such a vat of regret that Edelgard couldn't focus much on her at all. Annette was not only proof that one could survive such a storm as Edie brought on, but also proof that one could still be a good, worthwhile person, something Edelgard still struggles to call herself. She saw her hair grow, her body curve in and out of itself, and a smile fill out on a face that transitioned into a fully grown adult, just like her, and realized that for whatever reason, she was now in love with Annette.

(It is Annette. Edelgard already went through denying her feelings by pinning them on something else. Nostalgia, remembering the whole triad, just loneliness. But it wasn't that. It was that Annette, despite holding a torch for things Edie would leave in the dark, is a good person and a lovely woman that Edelgard would fall for if she met her last week. 

Annette has changed. Edelgard has changed. Maybe now they've changed into people who can love each other.) 

Annette clears her throat, and Edelgard blinks, not knowing how long she thought about the girl next to her in such a nostalgic way. "Can you…" She's careful with her words. (Annette never is. She should be telling her off right now.) "Maybe, tell me what's wrong right now?" 

Edelgard swallows, trying to force past her own defenses. She wants Annette to still admire her. To love her back. Those concepts are extraordinarily hard to let go of, but she finally clears her throat and admits "Think I blacked out."

Annette smacks her lips together. "How'd'ya mean?" 

"Think I, ah… it's happened since the incident." Annette nods understandably. "Occasionally when I'm too stressed or panic too hard, my mind just wants… away. It escapes and wakes up when it feels safe." 

Annette smiles. "I'm glad you know you're safe around me, you know?" 

Edelgard gasps. "I did know, didn't I?" Looking at her smiling eyes, she says "Well, I'll be." The smile disappears as she admits "not sure what this whole mess is about. Can you help me?" 

Annette's eyes widen. "Literally, I was  _ just  _ about to offer." 

Annette makes true on that and after a minute  _ everything  _ fires into her head all at once. The first thing she says- interrupting Annette- is "I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you. I just, like-" 

"It's okay, you explained! About your family, right? Being distracted?" Edelgard nods, and Annette sighs. "Yeah, like… I'm sorry I threw you off your game there." 

"No problem," Edelgard responds, a bit of wheat on her pants. "I, ah, it just felt like life, you know? Like, a fundamental truth. Sun rises in the east, sets in the west, 50/50." 

Annette nods shakily. "I believe that." With a snicker: "it's the exact sort of mistake I'd expect you to make." 

Edelgard shrugs. "Oh, okay. Uhm, thanks for understanding?" 

Annette giggles. "Of course!" Then, the smile she has falters, and she takes Edelgard's hand. "Listen, okay? Just… listen." 

Edelgard nods; she owes her that much. 

"Thanks. Uhm…" she bows her head. When she speaks, she drags along like every word is arduous to release. "I understand. I understand why you would do this. I… know there's no easy way. You don't… need my permission. I just…" 

She faces Edelgard. When she looks down and away, Annette says "no, no, it's okay" and gently turns Edie's head within her palm. "I'm very… scared. Scared to lose you both. Scared to lose even one. Scared to lose just you too." 

"You are?" Edie asks, eyes widened. 

Annette lightly slaps her. "Don't act so surprised."  _ Impossible, but continue.  _ "You're one of my closest friends. One of the closest people I know. I… would be heartbroken if you died, as much as Lys, probably." 

Edelgard's eyes widen. "I… truly?" When Annette nods, she adds "I never knew. I  _ truly  _ never knew." 

Annette nods, trying to smile. It doesn't reach. "Yeah, I… not really a point to leaving things unsaid, you know? I get this sense that, like, you think you're taking the bullet for both of us. But I'd…" 

Edelgard is surprised to see tears on Annette's leg. She almost tells her not to cry when she looks over and sees that Annette is dry-eyed. She puts her hand to her eyes and it comes away wet. "Oh," is all she says, because she absolutely doesn't know what to say.

Annette takes the opportunity to hug her. Edie's a little too stunned to return it. "Edie, we love you. I love you. I promise you that this wouldn't be a sacrifice for the greater good. It would be you and Lysithea freely making a decision. And if I lost either of you, it would be painful." 

"What about us both?" Edie chokes, finally stroking Annette's hair.

"I don't even want to think about it." 

"Annette, I need you for just a second to promise me, okay? Promise me you'll go on living..." She sniffles, voice high with sorrow. "Even if we don't come out. Okay? Because people will still love you and you'll do amazing things, whether or not we're here." 

On one level, it's setup for why they're here. On the other, it's just the truth. Throughout all the hardships and tragedy thrown at them all- at Annette- she has always faced it with a smile and the utmost love for life in her heart. Edelgard is genuinely frightened of a world where Annette is not a beacon of joy for the corner of the Earth that she lights up. 

Annette takes a deep breath into her shoulder. "I have Dedue and Mercie. I have a long term goal and good grades. It'll be hard. The hardest thing I ever did. But I will."

"Good." 

They stay like this for another minute. Edelgard wonders if her own sins have washed away. Not loving women. Not being one. Those aren't sins. But if the world saw her as a ruthless schemer, as someone manipulative and sociopathic, as someone who would burn this field of wheat if it justified her idiosyncratic need to make things right… hopefully they see her carried by sunshine, held close to her heart, and see that she is blessed.

Edelgard gets an idea but immediately tenses up. This might blow her limited cover, and might seem manipulative besides. She doesn't want to leverage her life for something like this. She just wants the ones she loves to go on living. 

To her eternal surprise, Annette's the one to ask. "Hey, Edie-bean… this might be weird, but can I kiss you?" 

Edelgard giggles, trying not to let on that she's stunned. "Course," she says. And despite her heart screaming for her to, she doesn't ask why.

\---

When the two walk to the hotel, barely out of sight, Edelgard again remembers the food. "Oh Seiros, I may have forgotten to put it away," she admits, each word a higher pitch. 

"It's okay," Annette says with real cheer. "We'll worry about it tomorrow." 

Edelgard nods. She likes the idea. She's bad at letting things rest for a while. 

Thankfully, all the bags are in the fridge, entirely whole. Annette reaches into one and pulls out hamburger buns, cereal, and trail mix with a hurricane of laughter. "I mean, in your shoes I can't imagine I would try," she adds reassuringly.

Edelgard cracks a smile. "That gives me an odd visual. Like I thought 'okay, I'm manic and emotional and I will continue to be after I've done my duty.'" 

Annette giggles. She tosses a wrapped sub sandwich at Edie, who catches it. She throws a second one on the bed that Edie was heading towards. Before she can ask (hopefully) if they're sharing a bed, she says "damn, I've gotta visit the little ladies room. Uhm…" 

The  _ little ladies room.  _ Edelgard sincerely hopes that Annette never changes.

She sits down on her phone, secure in her back pocket. Surprised, she pulls it out. There's a voicemail call on it. Curious, Edie plays it.

_Hey, this is Lysithea. Uhm… what the fuck, El? Like… Annette told me, so if you were hoping to keep it a secret, well… ha-ha-ha._ _Look, whatever's between us is between us, but the fact that you're involving Annette… Ugh._ _No, I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with how you conveniently left out that you and I both have a high chance to die with this procedure. She_ freaked _out, El. She freaked out because she loves you and you never told her._

_ So… please tell her, El. Everything you omitted. I mean it. You can't keep secrets forever. You… you used to never be this way. When we were younger… before it all fell apart… El, you were honest with us. We were equals. No one has  _ ever  _ treated me as their equal. Don't… don't lose that for my sake. _

_ Look… when I see you again, like, two days from now, we can talk about this. I'm… not a hundred percent against it. But I hate the idea of risking your life. Not only… do I think you're a fascinating person, good to your core… I'm scared of us leaving Nettie alone. So, like… visit me in two days. We have some talking to do. _

_ I… I never stopped loving you, El. I wouldn't be so angry at you if I did. I'm going to choose to believe that you still care for me. Because you're doing this. So… yeah, that's it. Please, please stop fucking being the martyr. Even if you were the only one to die, it would scar us both.  _

_ Okay. Uhm. Later. _

\-----

_ Later that day they go back to the tree. Annette's doing science club and, besides, sometimes Lysie just needs to be with one alone, to get better at saying what she feels, without asking the other permission for those feelings. Edelgard lets Lysithea know that  _ you can call me just El.  _ Lysithea smiles fondly, thanking her for her own special nickname. _

_ El clears her throat and looks away. "No, no, I… that's what my siblings called me." _

_ "O- _ oh. _ " _

_ Lysithea takes Edelgard's hand before she starts to cry. She can't stop the ears of others hearing her song as they want, something visceral and ugly, but she and Edelgard both only hear the queer love letters they've written to each other.  _


	11. the highway signs say we're close but I never trusted my own eyes

Edelgard wakes up and forgets that she ever panicked. Though it's easy to forget those feelings when snuggled next to Annette, even if she drools on Edie's tank top. If one could believe it, she's more goofy and childish after she's become an adult. She can't deny that she loves it. 

She checks the digital clock next to her. 7:53. Ugh, so much for going back to being irresponsible. Seeing as the alarm is set to go off and it is likely  _ annoying,  _ Edelgard elects to help wake her up.

Okay. She can sleep for a couple minutes first. Edie figured she should try and wake herself up anyways.

At fifty-five after, she leans into Annette's hair and whispers her name. Annette stirs a little but doesn't react. Edelgard calls  _ Ann, Nets, Nettie, Annie,  _ all in that same whisper and Annette looks like she's gonna wake, then doesn't. At the fifth time, she doesn't fall for it. 

Edelgard huffs. "Dammit, friggin… Netcase,” she’s proud of that one “wake up, will you? It's me or this alarm, sweetheart. Pick one." Even saying that at semi-normal volume doesn't seem to wake her. 

Still a little tired and playful, Edelgard nibbles on the lobe of Annette's ear. Or maybe it's a little more than playful, seeing as it sent a pang into places a little lower in her stomach. That was too much, especially without expressed permission. Maybe a kiss? But that also could be taken as greedy and rude without asking her. She knows that Lys isn't fond of that, at least from Edelgard. Would Annette be the same way? Edelgard will admit, it sounds enticing… so isn't that the exact reason that she shouldn't? She probably shouldn't have bitten her ear in the first-

"Hey babe, you gonna try some more or should I get up now?" 

Edelgard nearly chokes on air, making Ann giggle. "Uhh! I, ah… well I don't need to wake you up anymore." 

Annette yawns. "Yeah like I heard you early on, I was just like  _ ugh, five more minutes. _ " 

Edie settles down- barely, but enough. "I understand." With hands on her chest: "I apologize that I, ah…" Grabbing her own earlobe, she says "Uh, did that." 

Annette takes one of her hands. "Hey, don't worry," she says, smile foggy. "No harm, no foul." 

"I do think I should have asked first." 

"Like I did all those times I ambush-kissed you?" 

She avoids  _ yes, but I like those,  _ and says "As I recall it, you never consented to ambush ear biting." 

She giggles, lightly pushing Edelgard by her upper chest. "That was supposed to be a  _ bite?"  _

"Is that a challenge?" Edelgard is this close to showing her a real bite.

_ BEEP!  _

"What the fuck?" Annette throws a pillow in the direction of the sound. 

After forcing herself to stop focusing on the looseness of her tank top, Edelgard reaches around Annette and presses the snooze button on the alarm clock/air raid siren. Oh, Annette will never understand the curse of a disruptive libido. "Shit," she hisses. "I, uh-" She reaches past Annette, leaning on her hip to reach the cord and force-unplug it. The time disappears from the screen, so Edelgard lies down next to Annette again. 

"Whew, thanks," Annette says. 

"Of course." 

Annette notices something. She eyes Edelgard's hand that remains on her waist and gives her a shit-eating smirk, eyeing that hand before breaking and laughing as Edelgard notices and jerks it away. "You frickin' dork," she says with a smile in her voice.

Annoyed that she keeps getting flustered by a five foot tall virgin, she says "then maybe I will just leave it there," ignoring that she had already moved her hand away. 

"Much as I like that idea, we should probably get up." 

Edelgard dusts herself off to try and look anything but flustered. "Quite. Our destination is close to here. About a forty minute drive through the sticks, but nearby." 

"We're gonna be there a lot of the day, I guess?" 

Edelgard thinks for a second. "At the very least, it would be a five and a half plus drive there to the city center, not counting for traffic and the trip up the hill. If we were to make the hypothetical meeting at six at night, we would need to leave our destination probably close to eleven. If we left very soon and played chicken with Sothis, we could get there at nine, but there's no way we could comfortably do things in two hours. That's if we did everything close to perfectly." 

Annette gives her a perplexed look. Then: "Yeah, I'll just go on and believe you on that." 

"I just wanted to explain my thought process," she explains. "I don't want you to think I'm lollygagging and know that I wouldn't waste your time or hers on-" 

"Edie," she says, motioning for her to let go of some indeterminate thing. "I know more than anyone how badly you want to see Lysithea and execute your plan or whatever, and it's  _ fine,  _ really. It's, uhm, tighter scheduling than we thought-" she laughs awkwardly "but I was down for this too. Besides, Lys has time." She looks down, kicking her feet against the bed, making Edelgard realize in a flash. "So you should have time too, you know?" 

Edelgard reluctantly nods, but she isn't quite sure if she buys it. "I just… don't want to abandon her." 

Annette takes the liberty of sitting next to her. "We aren't, Edie.  _ You  _ aren't. You're living life and so am I. And Lysie will be soon as well, if this goes right. I just…" She looks at Edie's knee, blinking tears away. "You know, I'd like to spend time with you, you know?" 

Edelgard looks at Annette, the former mirror side of their V-shape, and feels a flutter in her chest that she loves getting to feel. "Do you mean that?"

Annette giggles. "Edie, you big doof. Of course I do." 

Edelgard beams. It's been awhile since she a) had genuine feelings for someone, and b) has had someone spoil her the way that Annette does. It feels familiar in a distant way. 

"Thank you," Edelgard beams. "I truly appreciate it." 

\---

_ Annette is a twelve year old girl whose mother dropped her off at Camp Violet and told her to have a great vacation. Even though camp was a month long, she isn't that upset. She loves her mom and Father, even though Father is so serious and unfun mostly. Guess he should be glad he didn't go here because this place looks like fun and all the girls look so nice!  _

_ Boys probably wouldn't be allowed to attend Camp Violet anyways. _

_ Sure, all of the campers are girls, which makes Annie feel safer, but even the staff's all women too! Or maybe they're teens. She even learns that a couple don't have a gender, and one has a gender that  _ xe made up.  _ She didn't know you could  _ do  _ that! Father told her there's only boys and girls so it blows her mind and she loves new things.  _

_ She gets put in a room with a bunch of people she's never met. A kind of punk girl with red pigtails says "it's about  _ time  _ you showed up, loser!" Annie sticks her tongue out and the redhead holds a finger up that Annie was told not to. _

_ Whatever. So not all the girls are nice. But Annie's not mad about that. She's late because she was too busy meeting the staff and exploring, which is always more fun than rude girls her age like  _ her. 

_ A girl with green hair and a big backpack cheerfully says "Now that everyone's here, Miss Mercedes can visit us!"  _

_ "You can just call her Mercedes," says a sporty looking girl taller than them all. _

_ "Okay, hold up. Who's Mercedes?" says a girl with blond braids. _

_ Mercedes is their group leader. She's eighteen and her hair keeps getting in her eyes. "I really do need to get something to tie it back!" she says after the sporty girl (Shell, but spelled with a Kj in front of it) points it out. She gives them all the rules and she sleeps in the room with them so there's gonna be seven there. Annette only sees six until she sees a girl with white hair and bright eyes that look like a grapefruit. _

_ "Is that so we don't have sex?" The redhead jerk asks. Mercedes just starts laughing, bent over. Annette doesn't laugh. She knows what sex is technically but she doesn't care. Isn't everyone here too young to think it's cool?  _

_ Mercedes doesn't answer but says that she wants all the girls to become friends with at least one other person in this room. She asks if anyone wants to be partners. Kjshell picks the mean redhead for some reason, who whines about not meeting new people but doesn't stop her. The green haired girl, named Mighty Midori, asks everyone "can I pick her?" while holding the hand of the blonde named Nina who gives her a look like she's weird. Annette's okay with it and the mystery girl in the bed is too. Mighty Midori cheers. _

_ "Oh, thank you for being so courteous!" Mercedes tells them like other girls aren't. "That leaves Annette and Lysithea!"  _

_ Annette doesn't want to figure out how to say or spell it so she hopes she's okay with Lysie. "Hi, Lysie!" she says with a wave. _

_ Lysie blushes when she hears the nickname. It's really cute. Maybe she should have called her Sleeping Beauty. _

_ "H-hi, Net." _

\-----

As Edelgard drives onto a side highway, Annette figures out that they're heading to the campgrounds where she found her best self, an Annette so great that not even Gustave's sermons and punishments could strip it away. Edie pushes the speed limit and Annette watches her. It's hard to face the idea that she might be gone, an idea she never considered. 

The camp is hers as much as anyone's: Edelgard came to Camp Violet about a year before all three of them attended Garreg Mach. She was a force of nature- intelligent, motivated, coordinated, and a go-getter. Annette couldn't believe that she was just shy of a year older than her. Before she met Edelgard, she never had anyone light a fuse under them so much. Annette didn't like thinking of home; with Gustave, it was suffocating, without, it was empty with only a painful shadow of him remaining. 

At Camp Violet, it was different. He was never there to dull her shine. They never made Lysithea feel like a disappointment for her illness. They helped Edie define herself as the leader she was inside. The three girls were amazing. It's no wonder that even before they hit the Mach, she was happily extending the young couple into a solid triad.

"So how long until we hit the Camp?" Annette asks. Then, with a fake gasp: "Oh, was I not supposed to know that?" 

Edelgard chuckles. "I honestly don't mind that you figured it out, but I’d say about ten minutes." 

Annette pouts. "I wanted to be a little annoying about it." 

"Well, you cleared that threshold." 

Annette cackles. "Seriously, though. Sorry if I spoiled the surprise for myself." 

Edelgard wipes some hair out of her face. "It's quite alright."

"I'm just, like…" Annette visibly thinks. "Like, I know it's closed. It's been closed since second-year at GM. How are we able to still go there?" 

Edelgard looks around her, as if suspicious that she'll be heard. Then, she zips her lips and giggles. 

"Weak!" Annette groans. 

"You'll see soon enough," Edie tells her with a wink. A few seconds afterwards, she says "Though I have to admit there isn't too much I planned to do. For the most part, I wanted to revisit the grounds. It's been a little while." 

Annette leans back. "No shit, it's been awhile. It's been like eight years." 

"Something like that," she drawls, but Annette sees a gleam in her eye. Oh, she  _ definitely  _ knows something that Annette doesn't and it's for  _ sure  _ gonna eat her alive as long as she doesn't think.

So she turns the radio on high volume.

"Holy  _ Seiros _ !" Edelgard honks the horn by mistake, adding to the chaos. She all but bodyslams the volume button down. "Annette, can you  _ pretty-please  _ outline your thought process there?" 

"Okay, so, like. If I think right now I'll unspool the surprise you so obviously have planned or I'll drive myself up the wall thinking about it." 

"Understandable," Edelgard admits, "but does the radio have to break the windshield in order for that to stop?" 

"Oh, honey, you have  _ not  _ been in my mind at  _ all. _ " Annette stretches the last word out for three seconds.

"If this is any indication, I don't think I could take it." 

"Do you really think so?" 

"Yes. I'd go deaf, first off." 

Annette snorts. Fifteen or twenty-five, she'll always love bantering with Edelgard. She's a smart mouth, and either Edie is too silly to know not to take the bait, or she enjoys sparring with Annette. Unlike her Lysibelle, who goes through life like a crotchety old fuck who will yell if the radio's too loud when it is very clearly  _ not.  _

She remembers. Her smile dies a good bit and she maintains a neutral expression. 

Now she just wants to get there before she throws up, actually. Edelgard notices how cold it suddenly got and just nods, disappointed, and Annette just feels shittier because she probably blames herself for hurting Annette and, technically, yeah, but... Mac-you-fuc-kin-il preserve them. Go figure she realized her feelings for someone just as they were playing Russian Roulette with three bullets. 

Edelgard glances at her every now and again, and Annette says "Don't worry, I'm just…" Damn it, she can't even come up with a good excuse. She'd rather be stuck on whatever the fuck Edie's thinking.

Speaking of, Edelgard  _ hmm _ s at whatever Annette is feeling and decides to turn the radio up. It's a neat little folksy song that Annette used to like as a student. It lifts her mood a little- just not enough. 

Edelgard tries to sing.  _ When we were young, oh-a-whoa-a, we did enough; when it got cold, ooh-oo-whoo-oo, we bundled up. I can't be told, ahu-ahuh, it can't be done.  _ She… hasn't sang in a while. She needs to flex her voice more especially for someone so concerned that she sounds masculine at times (which Annette never agrees with or even gets). Still, that just makes it feel sweeter. That's the surest sign of love, right? Doing things you're bad at for others? 

Annette's often too busy trying to be perfect to do that, but at least she likes singing. 

_ It's better to feel pain than nothing at all.  _ She really tries to believe that as she sings it. Edelgard turns left into the driveway, quietly backing her.  _ The opposite of love's indifference.  _ She wonders if that's true. It's probably not hatred because no matter how angry Lys gets at Edie, they still love each other so much that Edie would risk her life for her.

Their love might leave Annette alone  _ goddamn it, intrusive thoughts, fuck the fuck off!  _ She looks genuinely distressed, not in the mood to sing at all. 

Edelgard keeps at it, however.  _ So keep your head up,  _ she sings smoothly. Her voice is low and inflexible, but that just makes it more charming. More Edie.  _ Keep your love.  _

Annette looks at Edie, who keeps on the dirt road towards the camp.  _ Keep your head up, my love.  _ And now Annette's gonna freak out. Because that's what the song says? Because Edie loves her? Oh, fuck it, she's gonna get a headache if she thinks rather than singing along as it repeats  _ keep your head up, my love  _ and there's no way that the fact that  _ both of them  _ looked at each other was a coincidence.

She's gonna try and ignore it but it's really setting her heart aflame, and yet it always comes with the reminder that there's a chance that Edie will be dead soon. How can she not think about that? How does anyone expect Annette to act like losing both loves of her life wouldn't be a big deal? 

"Hey, Ann." 

Annette blinks. "Fuck! Uhm." She finally lands on her face back in reality. Edie's parked the car and looks at her sympathetically. "Sorry, sorry, I just… was lost." Lost in what, she isn't sure, but it sure as hell wasn't thought.

"Do you need a moment?" 

"I  _ need _ you to not die." 

Annette claps her mouth.  _ That  _ was absolutely  _ not  _ supposed to escape her thoughts. She looks at what's ahead- nothing but a brown fence between the two office buildings of Camp Violet. "I'm sorry," she blurts. "I'm trying super hard to keep it together." 

Edelgard takes her hand from her mouth. "Nets," she whispers, eyes kind. "I don't know exactly what happened last night, but if I scared you then, I'm so sorry." 

"No, you didn't scare me," Annette says. It's true; if anything's scaring Annette, it's Annette. 

Edelgard gives her a doubtful look. "I'll take you on your word for that." She opens the door, keys in her pocket jangling. "Follow me?" 

"I'll try, but I might be too excited." 

Annette surprises herself and behaves, following Edelgard despite internally fangirling, looking at all the spots she and the other girls used to hang out. Even further down, she sees the cabins, including the one that she and Lysithea shared a bunk in until they aged out and the camp closed. In fact, a lot of the places here remind her of Lysithea. Edelgard too, but she came a few years later. She and Lysie were constants. 

Edelgard looks back at her, and Annette only sees her in her peripheral. "Lovely memories, aren't they?" she asks.

"Oh, for sure!" Annette's too giddy to be surprised. Edelgard chuckles and walks forward. That reminds Annette, who was too busy being awestruck by this place, to remember "hey, wait, why are we here if no one owns this place?" She probably should have asked before they approach the camp buildings but whatever. 

Edelgard gestures around. "Ah, well, for the most part, I wanted to reminisce a little. Some of the best times in my life were here, remember?"

"Absolutely of course I remember," Annette bursts. "But I know there's not a damn chance you took me three-hundred miles away from home to reminisce." 

"I mean," Edelgard drawls as the two approach the main cabin, "think what you want, Nets." She puts a key in and unlocks her main office.


End file.
